fascinations**

haha... a new achievement of mine.. i learnt how to use a eyeliner le.. wahaha.. coz i have always have a phobia of drawing that on my eyes.. coz they give me an idea that they are going to poke the whole thing in my eyes. now i know le.. wahaha...

today went to daddy's factory... was so sleepy... have to go to my new house to help clean up.. only me, dad, and cousin.. omg.. haha.. when we reach there.. there are already some painters.. i help to sweep the floor.. realli so tiring to sweep the whole place.. and clean up the floors and cupboards.. then go to parkway parade myself.. kinda lost manz... lolx.. to find my aunt's sandals.. but end up i can't find the sandals but bought a ring... under dad's expense.. waahaha.. but $6 only la.. cheap cheap.. in the factory today, i am so fascinated by my dad's fish tank.. whaha.. the fish is so cute.. no chance to see this type of fish often la.. i post the pics later...

play with my dog.. after cleaning up.. went back to the factory and i am so tired that i went upstairs and just slp.. lol.. when going home.. my dog ah boy look so ke lian again.. and i just give him some treats.. wahha... gonna buy more treats for ah boy.. tml.. mmm... i don't know why i am so happy today.. maybe coz of the fish.. haha.. realli.. so fun and new to me..

playing with my dog is always so relaxing.. i think only he listens to me.. when i sneeze he just look at me.. haha... shit... stroll with my ah boy alot today.. and he look kinda tired.. lolx.. wonder what he's doing last night...

its either i understand or i am numb.. but i don't feel as much now... good or bad.. i am going to a local U.. best is no overseas.. i don't want to be alone out there.. though its kinda exciting and a new experience.. but.. i hope not..

dad say something that scares me today.. i guess i think too much.. better not be what i think.. or i realli be in a lost...

dad bring up the subject today again.. he ask me to go and do the laser thingy for my eyes again and asap.. my god.. i'm so scare.. but i think i realli got no choice for this.. going to U is what i promise my dad to stay in singapore.. and concentrate... but after my poly or even earlier.. i have to have my eyes done.. gonna be a "du yan long" for some time.. a month or two for both eyes.. shit... gonna find someone who is willing to drive me here and there to the hospital for checkups etc.. guys.. faster queue pls... lolx.. (BHB)... or i am going to grope my way there.. alright.. tats abt all... enjoy the pics...

me with eyeliner.. haha...



daddy's fish tank



eyes popping out... the fish is scare of me u see... lolx..



the blur look...



stingray...

tots of the night...

i maybe naive but i choose to think this way... i didn't want a world which is so ugly and cruel.. even if it realli is.. guess this is y way to be happier.

i choose to end everything with a drop of tear that u shed.. tear of hurt.. i'm sorry if i ever say anything or done anything that hurt u.. i didn't mean it.. coz in the end.. i love u.. thats what i could only say now.. i choose to end it.. telling myself.. u do love me coz of the tear u shed.. coz i believe.. tears shed by man are always for someone they love and someone important to them.. and i guess u are not one whose tears shed so easily.. all this months after our breakup.. my mind in search again for who u realli are or wat u thinking.. but i guess it all realli have to be decided by fate.. its hard to think about what is happening and what is going to happen.. and tiring too i guess... now, i am telling myself.. u do love me before.. maybe this is how fate wants it to be.. u are not mine anymore.. this tear of yours tells me everything is worthwhile after all this months.. and i didn't love someone who isn't worth it..

maybe everything just came at the wrong time.. all i could say is i love u till this day..

just wanted to pen down my tots.. before i go to bed.. was feeling kinda down.. i guess i be fine tml.. i don't know if he will be reading this... but i wish he had read it.. good night people..

relax~

woke up at 1p.m today... haha.. actually wanna go to dad's workshop but cannot get up in time to go with him.. then my aunt came and my stomach very pain.. my whole body became like jellyfish.. decide to meet dia they all for a walk in J8.. haha.. and STUNT OF THE DAY.. me this pig.. walk walk see see and outside the MU'EE shop i just bang into the glass.. looking at a cute little lock.. stupid zhiwei keeping laffing and saying me.. so paiseh.. *sad.. haha.. didn't buy anything today.. just eat and eat and eat...

hear them talking about the earthquake thing.. i nv feel anything though i am awake at that time.. haha.. kinda worry for him.. better keep away from the beach.. hopefully he nv go to the beach.. pray hard that he is also not going to KL.. its simply too dangerous coz the safety there is a big problem.. including the tsunami thingy.. that is going to happen again.. like what the experts say on tv.. wonder how many people is going to die again. i aren't in any position to ask him not to go but i just pray for him.. people dies again.. in the big waves in australia.. haix.. hope all this disaster will end...

if someone is to treat u nicer, and u have feelings for her.. then u be with her.. then go ahead.. coz u nv find the one who treat u the nicest... and even if u are with her.. u nv truly love her but be with her coz she is nice to u... when u compare, there is always someone who is better.. if u tell me, not every guy go for someone who treat him better.. why do u have to be the one that go for that... i know a lot of guys out there who thinks this way.. but it disappoint me to noe u too think this way... good luck.

my heart died, not sure if i love u.. but i nv love someone who don't love me. never again.

without u

i wish i could share it with u...

but i guess it dn't make any diff to u...

all i could do is keep it to myself...

maybe keep myself from u...

i'm all alone at home..

making everything look even pathtic..

guess i go out and take a walk..

had a dream last night.. bad one too..

but i choose to forget it i think...

i guess the good ones always don't come true and the bad ones always come true..

u choose to push everything to fate.. push it to the will of heavens..

that leave us no choice but to wash our hands off..

u choose to do that just coz u didn't want to think about anything anymore..

or i am not the one u are willing to do anything for..

u push everything away as if nothing is about u.. nothing concerns u..

including me...

i could only do this then..

something i would never choose to do..

i know u nv regret..

but i don't want to leave my life to the hands of fate..

even my destiny depends on him..

if i did.. my life will be so worthless..

just play, study and wait for fate to decide everything for u..

its not me.. and i don't want u to decide for me anymore..

i feel sad but who cares...

does he know how i feel...

even if he did.. he don't care now..

forget him.. if the truth is he no longer loves u...

forget ur love since it no longer matters to him...

forget every privilege u have... before

just do what u need...

he is no longer him...

i persuade him... to go back to what he is..

but where i stand to even do that...

i don't know..

i shouldn't even do that...

he make it so clear...

i'm out of the game...

he doesn't love u anymore.. so face it gal...

he won't know how hurt your heart is..

how much tears flow..

or how much he mean to u..

u are just a gal...

get on with ur own life.. WITHOUT HIM..

*sigh

didn't slp a wink last night.. was keeping everything that he give me away.. either throw or keep.. cry my eyes swollen.. thought of everything we done together.. and even go thru together.. hold the ring u do for me.. and just cry again.. just feel so upset.. wanted to vent my sadness out.. told myself.. i shan't open all this stuuff or regret if i realli put it away.. after crying.. i stare at the photos.. and everything for so long.. just sit there and stare.. until i told myself.. they have to go.

i'm exhausted, bruised, frail and hopeless.. after this long battle.. i could hardly hold on myself anymore..

my eyes just stay wide open for the whole night.. this morning, zw drive marc's dad car and we went to get dia's modem repair.. and to wild wild wet.. waited for darren to come and meet us.. then we had lunch cum breakfast.. crack some lame jokes about durian. we had fun.. but i was still kinda down with what he said last night.. i hurt my elbow which is freaking pain.. enjoy the ulah la.. ride.. coz its fun.. and we try to pose a nice pic.. haha.. and got it at our last ride..

was quite happy today... msg him just now.. as for usual.. he didn't reply.. i don't know if i want him to reply.. but.. maybe i do.. we had our dinner at the foodcourt then zw drive us all home again.. on the way.. nearly got into accident but it was nothing la.. marc is having cold sweat le..

i wanted to give him a memorable birthday celebration this year.. but some things are keeping me behind.. haix.. what should i do?? haix.. maybe i should do it and quickly go.. even if he don't appreciate.. i just try my best to make it the best birthday celebration for him. i know after RP, i may not see him again or he may not even remember this person exist before in his life.. this could be the last birthday i could celebrate for him.. even if my heart is to be broken once again..
i wish i could smile.. like before.. i wish i could.. would u one day love me for who am i.. or have u already open your heart to other.. only u know the answer.. and now i could only tell myself... u have open ur heart to others..

baby, i love u.. i realli do..

碎玻璃。。。

shattered heart..

promise are realli meant to be broken..

i won't ask anyone to promise me anything again.. forever..

why get into relationship when it is going to hurt..

i finally understand..

its hard for me to trust anyone again.. trust their promise..

i don't wish to hurt myself again..

now, i like to stay like my aunt.. live a life of my own.. and live for myself..

went to swim at my marine parade house.. all 6 of us... cynthia, my 2 bros, bro-in-law and sis.. and me..the swimming pool was like funny.. coz u can nv find a place where it is 1.8 metre deep.. sis keep bugging me to teach her but how to.. i don't know.. the weather was damn cold.. and i was sneezing away.. we swam for like only 2 hours and then just went upstairs and look for dad and mum coz they were there to count the no of lights.. saw our neighbour.. quite friendly la..then we linger ard for awhile.. and went to east coast for dinner.. dad was blur today.. too blur.. and i'm kinda worry.. haix.. well, he's old le ba.. haix..

everytime out with dad and sis, our dinner will be so sumptous.. and i ate a new tingy today.. the gong gong.. eat le will gong gong de.. lol.. look kinda er xin la.. like snail.. and i don't dare to eat at first till cynthia say not bad..i eat duck porridge.. kinda too salty.. but i finish everything.. then dad order crabs.. and i had two piece.. follow by a lot of gong gong... and a plate of fried oyster.. i am so full.. whahaha.. but i ate it so happily..

i'm so sad.. haix.. i feel like throwing everything away.. maybe i should realli do that.. ARGHZ... GO AWAY... DUN INVADE MY HEART OR MY MIND WILL U.. JUST GO AWAY... I FEEL LIKE CRYING MAN.. GODAMN IT.. WHY FEEL SO SAD OVER SOMEONE WHO DON'T LOVE U.. WHY... U ARE SUCH A LOSER.. SUCH A FUGING LOSER.. GET ON WITH UR LIFE.. CAN U... SHIT.. HE HAD ENUFF OF U.. ENUFF IS ENUFF.. GET LOST.. AND GET OUT OF HIS LIFE.. GET OUT.. FUCK...

FUCK ALL THIS.. FUCK MY LIFE.. AND FUCK ME OK.. I HATE MYSELF.. AND I AM GOING TO BE FUCKING MAD SOON.. IT ALL SUX..

i blog for fug.. and i am not going to fucking blog anymore.. it just all sux.. even blogging..

views from my house balcony...









my house big water melon

我的心

in my mind.. i told myself how much i want to forget u... how much i need to.. telling myself i am not in ur heart and u don't love me anymore..

but then, can i realli do it..

feeling of love and ache linger in my heart..

the feeling was so overwhelming..

i know if someday i realli stop loving him, i nv love him again..

feel like a one-sided love now..ha...

i feel close to him with the ring on my finger..

maybe that is why i am wearing it now..

the only way to feel him with me..

suddenly feel like someone had died in my life..

and the happy me had also died with him.

i told myself for every lifetime, i wanted to be with this man..

its all in the past..

yes it is...

i don't know if i should believe anything he say again...

steph.. she makes me go nuts.. i don't know what is going on..

but it just makes me feel so uneasy..

tats my business i noe...

quiet night..

i was wearing this ring he give me... i don't know why i am wearing it..

wondering why he del the tag from tec.. maybe he doesn't want someone to be jealous... not me though.. coz i am not..

i'm hungry now.. arghz.. always at this time of the night...

i hate her.. for her behaviour.. acting like a *****...

i give up everything.. tonight.. i hope my determination back me up..

i don't wish to get upset over girls.. get upset over the way u tok to me.. don't wish to live this kind of life anymore.. whatever i say.. u nv listen.. and i hold no position in ur heart anymore.. to say anything.. care about anything.. or even comment on something coz this is your life... your own life.. your apologies shake me.. but i guess.. i shall not think of it as a hope but as a apology to keep our friendship. this couldn't go on anymore.. i am so frail.. now.. that even keeping clothes in make me feel like i am gonna be pull down by the laundry any moment that dad keep me from that job now till i get better.. i hate a life without u.. and i hate a life even more without u and having all this girls buzzing ard u like bees..

i can live without BGR love.. maybe not family love.. i will think that the world is so cruel.. though some people are alone and homeless.. i am glad i have a father that loves me.. my tears, my sorrows are not coz i can't live without BGR love.. but that i love u too much tat i need u.. if i could get anyone to replace this love that i had for u.. then why do i hang on for months... trying to salvage and yet making things worse.. haix.. forget it.. if u think i am such a person.. i could say nothing..

well, i am jealous.. coz..i am not a good girl to u..

my heart is having the frequent cramps again.. haix..

my aunt haven visit me this month.. i guess there is a problem with me.. coz it never happens before.. in the sense that.. miss it for so many days.. my life is jus so suckz now.. going to bed le.. its about 3a.m.. nite.. tomorrow will be better...

心已碎...

绝望

无奈

心痛

glad u make that call..

i'm glad i didn't hang up that call..

i'm tired..

thinking if i should buy the twins album.. coz there is some posters.. and some cards i think.. but kinda broke.. and i not sure if the song nice.. that day wanted to listen at HMV.. but damn it.. the headphone spoil.. shall go another time..

lay in my room doing nothing for about an hour just staring into space..

should go for a swim tomorrow.. i need to relax myself...

i could have cut myself just now.. when i got too stressed up and he doesn't want to listen to my explaination but i manage to control.. i'm glad i did.. the scars on me were ugly.. and near people who care.. i always use my hands to cover it.. but how long can i do it.. concidentally.. there was a scissors that i use for cross-stitch.. lying infront of me.. i am not going to make the same mistake again..

tonight.. zoe tay 孩子树 will be showing at channel 8 i think.. gonna watch it since i miss it that time..

i want to watch the 精武家庭... been waiting and waiting.. coz twins is starring in it..

he speak like steph.. the cools.. i guess they chat so much that he speak like her.. or she speak like him..

wanna share a pic of Xiao Q.. took this photo while i was watching the other night while waiting for him.. abit R rated.. haha.. but he is just so cute and it happens that ah boy sleep the same way too.. how i wish i have a dog now.. at least i have someone to tok to when i feel sad..

u see.. isn't he gorgeous...



this is my daddy whom i love so much..

blog blog blog..

nv fail to get disappointments when i go to ur blog... be it jokes.. or whatever.. i can't take it anymore.. is it just that u don't give a damn about me at all.. pink lady.. with me or without its no longer impt.. i am jus a fren.. haix.. the decent chap look more n more like a flirt to me now.. i despise that..

i am sad.. i do..

marc fail his basic.. i think most probably i flunk it too..

u know how much i hope u were here for me with all this bullshit test.. how much i need your moral support.. helping me.. but i guess u were out there having ur fun and who gives a damn about me.. like u say so..

GOD..

slept at 6a.m this morning.. i was eating delifrance french baguette at 4a.m.. and having coffee with it.. reading danielle steel books always enlighten me on something about life.. and i was reading one called daddy.. in this book.. the main character wife.. left the family and her 3 kids just for herself.. her dreams that she believe in.. well, people do changed i believe so.. and can changed drastically in a short time.. i believe he doesn't love me anymore.. i do now..

i nv hate u or blame u.. maybe what i could feel now is only disappointment.. everyone has his rights over his own life..u want a life without me.. and i respect u..

on the tv and there was this concert with all the artiste all over the world.. mandopop i mean.. wen lan was the first to be out.. she was hot man... damn hot that even i was like .. wah.. haha.. if i got a body like her.. it would be so nice.. i think i shoud do what dia say. eat more and then tone up my body..

sis msg me early in the mornin and ask me whether i want to go for a coffee with her today.. i was like.. huh.. coz its the first time she ever ask me out lidat.. but hope to talk to her.. i need someone to hear me,, she knew i cry.. she knew i was upset.. coz my aunt blurp it all up.. i know they all care... but don't ask me anymore k.. i don't want to cry out.. infront of u..

i guess Jamie now is somehow different.. maybe others couldn't see how i changed but me myself.. feel so different towards many things.. maybe i have to learnt in the hard way..

i will remember all the happy times we had.. i believe we both deserve a new start of own life.. i love u.. i realli do.. though maybe now its not important to u or maybe me.. but i just want u to know.. i still love u.. u hurt me most when u told me u couldn't love me for who am i.. and when u say.. if someone who treat u well and u had feelings for her.. u would go ahead on a relationship.. it definitely hurts me.. to know.. someone could be there so easily.. there in ur heart.. stand beside u.. be the someone who could share things with u no matter good or bad..

will one day i am gone, i wish u all the best that one person could have.. and a life that u yearn for.. a person who loves u the way u want them to be and love u for who u are.. and love u as much as u love her..

now, i should be studying hard.. no matter what.. i want a life alone.. just me.. my family and friends.. i can't afford fallng again.. coz of that happens.. i will nv trust anyone again.. i guess just let time heal the pain.. and build up what i have lose in myself.. blog again tonight maybe..

i love u, hubby... but everything is over.. to us.. we won't know what will happen in the future.. but i don't expect u even coming to find me.. though u used to tell me u may.. *hugs tightly *muackz..

a crack..

went out with all my siblings, my aunt and my bro-in-law.. bought a top from project shop which i like it very much.. well, it looks good on me.. sis got a black one and i got a white one.. all my expense goes under my aunt nowadays.. haha.. saw a necklace at J8 then but didn't buy it.. coz.. i think i spend kinda too much this few weeks.. had dinner at crystal jade.. with dad and mum and al 6 of us.. was kinda full till i wanan vomit.. but was feeling down while having dinner.. though the surroundings are so noisy, i feel like i am in my own world..

thought of a birthday present for him.. but when i saw his nick i was like (-_-").. i don't think he like my present then.. wanted to give him a birthday treat at first.. but asking him out was already a problem.. this few days.. he didn't even talk to me.. i mean he doesn't need to, i know.. but who doesn't want someone they love to make an effort to talk to them even as a friend.. well, i guess its not important to him.. for so long.. he nv did call.. and when he did.. its asking me to do something for him.. i'm disappointed time and again.. even though he doesn't loves me.. but.. it do makes me feel upset.. very... this is the last birthday i would or could celebrate with him i guess..

have been reading blogs after blogs.. all about how his friends and him having ice-cream for their eyes.. and good for their eyes.. etc.. i feel disappointed.. coz i know he did change.. he change into someone who i will nv fall in love with.. if i had know him now.. the feeling of hopelessness just hangs in me.. u don't even care about my results.. so what can i do?

disappointments and heartaches are only what u can give me.. is there anything else..

where is the u who thinks of everything in the best and most sensible way.. WHERE... gone.. ?

its normal for guys to see girls.. but not going gaga over girls.. is this u.. ?

all i could say is i am really disappointed.. so disappointed that i feel like crying.. feel like there is nothing more that i could say.. u are not jeremy anymore.. u are someone else.. i hope for a day u tell me u are still the one i know.. still the one who loves me like u always do.. but i know it will never happen again..

u were once my best friend.. someone i could talk about anything.. under the sun.. even my deepest secrets.. someone i love.. someone i adore.. u tell me things that i don't understand.. lead me to know the world better.. inspire me to do better.. u teach me a better way of handling things when i was lost.. thats how much u affect me.. in my life.. u have been someone i look up to.. but not anymore..

maybe what brother-in-law say was right.. i have my faults but u play a part in this relationship.. do u..

i lost someone i love.. and i lost myself.. my smiles..

do u know what u want??

Jamie.. stand on what u want.. be it good or bad.. u are convinced he no longer feels for u.. isn't it..

now

now waiting for my aunt to come and fetch us..

last night waited till late and he did came online.. i was already damn tired.. i was lucky.. that he did came online though i believe that he didn't did it for me.. since he say so that time so this time.. should be the same ba..

i am so tired and having a headache now.. haix.. my stomach isn't feeling very good..

Day.. at home..

what have i been doing for this few days..

read the testimonial that he write for me for umpteen times.. and all i tot of was..

if u knew tat your cheeky smile could melt my heart.. why didn't u smile at me again..

u say u feel happy to see me smile and play cheeky.. now that i no longer smile happily and play cheeky.. r u still happy?

u bless me to be happy always, didn't u??

u say even u got to know me only now.. u are happy.. coz i am here with u.. r u still happy now..

i guess i know all the answers.. or well i don't have any choice but to believe in what i think it is.. anyway it isn't important.. is it.. in the end i would tell myself.. didn't he told u that he don't love u anymore.. so what there to think about now..

ya, there isn't anything to think about now.. just me myself too free at home and this thoughts just come back so often.

something very funny happen over dinner... sis was sitting opp me.. and she was trying to get the chilli skin away from her hand and it just flew and drop on my hand.. i got a shocked as i thought it was insect or something.. and we both laugh till we couldn't eat.. we were laughing like mad, my aunt, dad and my uncle didn't know what we were laughing and thought we were mad..

watch constantine today and it was nice.. though a bit blur with some parts but i will try to understand.. and watch it again.. haix.. i want to watch Ge Duo Tian Wang but the downloading.. was like too bloody long.. *sad..

think i gonna pack my stuff a bit.. some of the things gonna leave it in amk.. got a big puzzle which i don't know if i should bring it over.. mostly no.. i think.. my soft toys.. also quite a lot.. headache.. bring or not.. i am still deciding..

i should stop brooding over things that are so impossible.. well.. i realli dunno.. i try my best.. actually wanted to go to the temple today.. but feeling dizzy.. the weather is too hot for me.. he is driving next week.. for the chalet i suppose.. kinda worry but he is going ahead with it i know.. i shan't worry so much.. he is big enough to know what he is doing..

just now after dinner, aunt was talking about diabetes.. my cousin's boss spend a freaking 2000+ for a english specialist one time to see if he can remove diabetes from his body.. he is freaking rich of course.. and aunt was talking about in the past when grandma got diabetes, the doc ask her not to eat.. grapes and bananas.. then, i was thinking he ate 18 bananas in one freakin hr.. omg.. sometimes realli make me so damn worry lor.. he too free his mouth will start to find things and eat and he loves soft drinks.. my god.. the possibility of getting diabetes is very high.. haix.. but i know what i say is so godamn useless now.. just pray he stay as healthy as possible till ripe old age.. hope that the charm i get for him helps.. after all my praying and stuff.. and hope it don't end up in the dustbin or what.. sounds like a granny.. but i do want the best for him.. even though he is not mine anymore..

sounds so much tat i can't let him go.. yes i can't but i have to.. that's my business alright.. not his.. his eating habits sometimes realli make me kinda worry.. i shouldn't have buy him too much bobdog sweets.. omg.. trust me to be still buying it for him.. shit.. i shall stop buying all this sweet stuff for him..

melvin message me today and ask me to join him for his mum's birthday dinner.. i didn't go of course.. its just so inappropriate..

my head is heavy and kinda pain.. haix.. should be going to bed soon.. or should i??
gonna eat panadols i think.. my blood pressure is getting too low i think.. that i have difficulty in breathing nowadays.. more and more often.. read on net.. and out of 12 symtons i got 10.. haix... and for the more sever side.. which is the lack of oxygen.. what i am experiencing now.. i guess just more rest will do the job.. well.. i didn't faint nowadays.. so i am still okay.. even if i faint..

he won't be there.. for me again.. i have to climb up myself.. well.. coz he say he won't.. ha..

alright.. that's all.. *pray

title?

well, just dunno what to write for title..

module grade is out..

not bad le la.. nv get D.. for web application.. coz i expected a D or D+.. phew..

gonna delete my last post coz looking at it.. its rubbish.. what for say so much when things have happen.

he did much better this time.. happy for him..

feeling hungry now..

shall blog again tonight..

bUrp~

i ate 3 bowls of congee just for tonight.. and its big bowl.. mum's congee is just so irresistable.. i am so happy.. happily full and contented with what i ate today.. i dare to eat spring onions le.. but it left a weird taste in my mouth..

something meaningful while talking to joanna... at the moment of weakness, u give something up.. and got a new one.. in the end, u may find that, that is not what u want.. people tend to give things up when they feel weak and when they are stress to the point.. anything better would catch their eyes and touch their hearts.. so easily.. but have they ever consider are the feelings realli from the heart..

many things have change my views about life.. simply makes me grow into a better person i hope and also.. i have been doing so many things which are like realli extra in the past.. but well.. learnt from mistakes ba..

i feel so bad.. nv eat the beancurd.. such a famous stall but the beancurd is so tasteless.. is it suppose to taste so.. omg.. maybe go and eat the beancurd later..

i cry, nag, shout, do every stunt that i can think of.. now.. i am back here.. facing my life in a different way and walking on the road of life differently again..

my new goal --> 100 kg by school reopen.. wahaha..

sometimes i really wonder.. am i turning my grieve to hunger.. but i hope i am not.. gonna do my mask and off to bed... maybe do a little reading to make myself more tired.. haha..

i'm sleepy...

well, quite a nice day... but... night is coming.. this is how i feel and think...

回家的路总是很远
话少得很可怜
怎么还是会流泪
爱着你的每一天
你就是我的世界
那时候还以为
我就爱这一遍
没有你的每一天
快乐离我好遥远
心已随你走了
还能用什么感觉
谢谢你曾经爱过我
给我最美的经过

承诺常常很像蝴蝶美丽的飞盘旋然后不见
我始终带着你爱的微笑一路上寻找我遗失的美好
不小心当泪滑嘴角就用你握过的手抹掉
有的人说不清哪里好但就是谁都替代不了

it sounds weird coz i cut it from some lyrics.. just some parts..just they are just what i am thinking now.

went to meet dia they all today, had lunch cum breakfast but didn't manage to eat much.. then me, marc and zw waited for dia they all to finish their lesson... with zw around.. i am always laughing.. shall not go into details..we play pool.. i lost.. damn.. but nvm la.. its been so long since i play le.. just play lor..

big rocks just keep falling on me today again.. but somehow console by the way he reply.. shan't make myself bother too much.. like dia say.. no matter how the rocks are being throw at me.. the wound will heal.. even if when i am hurt and before it can get well.. another one came.. it only get more painful but i guess when i understand.. it isn't rocks anymore.. maybe too much vinegar added on my food..haha

after their lesson, went to esplanade.. take photos and just sit there awhile.. talk.. haha.. saw the strawberry choc.. it isn't always there.. only certain days.. i guess i am lucky.. though a lot of memories.. that makes me feel sad.. but i still love that place.. coz my happiest day is spend there.. alright.. went to suntec and eat.. KFC again.. cheap ma.. haha.. anyway i am famished.. my gastric even start to pain..remind me of him.. now he no longer have this problem coz i always make him eat whenever he is hungry and have his meals regularly..i guess he can't stay hungry for too long now.. i'm glad at least he no longer keep quiet and pull a long black face just coz of his gastric.. but now.. i am having gastric pains.. haha... enjoy my meal and bought salad for mummy..

we took london cab..dozed off in the cab.. thats how tired i am.. coz can't sleep last night.. quite normal la actually.. i'm first one home of course.. haha.. when i step down the london cab.. my vision just blur.. manage to steady myself.. ate porridge again.. gosh.. ya.. out of ten photos i took today.. 9 of them can see my eyebags.. wth right.. shit manz.. so ugly.. look like a witch.. well, i am ugly.. so actually doesn't matter... gona post some of the photos today.. look at the eyebags... its ghastly...friday is coming ahahaha... daddy is so sweet today.. just last night.. i say i feel like eating soya beancurd.. so hard to get nowadays due to the closure of our market for upgrading.. and tonight.. he bought back.. i'm so full now.. haven even eat my beancurd.. gonna push it down.. my throat since dad bought it back for me.. don't waste his effort..

i'm learning.. now.. so.. don't worry.. though i do miss him much at times but i try to miss dia like she say la.. my god.. so BHB.. haha.. bth... alright la.. i miss u dia.. haha.. =X ...

my aunt nv visit me this month.. am i too stress.. or too uptight..

Darren the naughty boy trying to poke my face~ waahaha...



The vainpot...



dia and my blur face...



zw wanna beat pple le..=x

night..

type a essay long posting but seems so meaningless to post anything now..

just want to tell u.. i don't hate u at all..

i know u are a nice guy.. all my posting have mislead other people.. it has been so unfair to u..
u never do anything bad.. just all my doings that make u flare up..

i am down.. its 3.15a.m now.. just feel like writing something here..

choices make... aren't what my heart thinks.. but if this is for the better.. i hope it help..

i wish i won't regret.. even if i did.. its useless..

shattered heart.. i collapse this night.. no more able to hold on after so long..

i broke my promise.. i say i stay by your side..
i have been your crutch when u need me..
i have been your happiness..
i have been your worries..
i have been your burden..
i guess i have bring more unhappiness to your life..
and now i couldnt stay by u.. anymore.. i'm sorry..
this is the first time i broke a promise to u..
and also the last time..

i feel upset.. very..

shattered heart..

someone i love told me to get out of his life..

i know u had enough of me poking my nose into everything.. but this word is too heavy for me..

no words can describe how i feel.. one word... get out of my life.. i decided that things had come to an end... maybe this would be better for u..

tears just welled up in my eyes... i didn't want it to flow.. coz it just shows how much i love u..

its the end.. jamie.. brace up.. for yourself.. ur dad.. and ur friends.. this is life.. he no longer needs u..

i lose someone i love dearly.. i love the past him.. now he is dead but in my heart he is always with me.. Love u hubby...

nite of tots~

last night... i was hurt terribly...
all i need is a chance, a u that is willing to put in more effort and salvage this relation and a me who will be more understanding..
i guess this is more faraway then anything else i want now..
talk to marc and he told me lots of things.. ya i know all this.. but now i didn't even dare to walk on again and try again when he told me his feelings were different...
i didn't dare to try ask again.. i am so afraid of a negative answer.. so afraid..

indeed i am crashed when he told me feelings were not the same anymore..
i left myself with a broken me and a me fill with regrets...
marc is right, the more i try to salvage things, the more i make things worse and make him more irritated..
i guess its time to stop and give up..
& just keep him inside me..
well, its my problem..
I am so stupid.. so stupid..
when i told him, treausre things before u realli lose it..
me myself did not treasure things when i still have the chance to salvage it.. *sigh
i guess my dream is just coz of what i have thinking for the past months.


i have 3 categories of people impt to me in my life:

him: the one i love so dearly..
i know i lose him for good.. and its all coz of myself..
i do hate myself.. it cost me a big price..
regrets that will be with me for a lifetime..
i never did make him feel that the decision was wrong but right..
i know by the way he speak that things are impossible..
maybe if there is a miracle..
but miracle don't exist..
now i have a heart fill with love but lack of hope.

my dad: he is someone i won't know what to do if he is not around.
without my dad, i doubt i be able to survive at this home..
he provides me with everything he can et his reach on..
love me, talk to me, understand me etc..
to say he is the pillar of my life without Jeremy.
the only thing that push me to get on with life & treasure my own life.
mum is bias..
only sis is in better relationship with me.. younger bro is another spoilt brat..
so if dad's not around..
i be left with my mum and a spoilt bro..
how to live.. i lose the one i need most.. and i can't afford to lose anything else..

my buddies: those who always stand by me no matter what,
Dia, Marc, Darren, Rachel...
they each plays a part in our group..
Dia, the blur one, she is just so totful and always creating jokes for us to laugh at..
Marc, sometimes what he say realli make sense and make me think through some things.
Darren, shares the same passion as me and he too is someone i admire for that u know.. haha
Rachel, she is just so sweet.. give me advice that i needed very much.. and always jokes around..

what should i do if i don't have them.. life would be much more dull.. they add up to be a wonderful group of friends.. I love this people..

this is a big price to pay for a lesson...

today, i be having my basic theory test at 6.30p.m.. not very well-prepared.. coz wasn't realli in the mood to study for this test.. i try my best.. even if i pass.. the meal is off.. haix.. my stomach in pain... just feel like blogging.. can't even sleep when i wanted to sleep late. i guess i need to find something and fill my stomach and then study again.. omg.. why am i so lack of confident now.. don't please...

nothing to say...

change ur no... forget abt being friends.. i worship u for being able to say this..

gals are always subject that cause our quarrels..

u nv think for me, will u... past or now.. when u think there isn't a need.. u just don't care..

but have u ever wonder. we are all humans who have all forms of emotions..

i guess i spoilt u...

moment of anger.. adam break his own ribs..

love isn't in the air...

life isn't beautiful..

not my life...

its a moment of folliness that cause a lifetime of regrets..

a wound still as raw..

have u ever believe how much i love u...

i'm sorry.. hatred only comes when anger just get the better of me..

i won't repeat adam mistake..

never... will i repeat all this mistakes again..

i lose someone so important to me..

and i lose myself..

i will never lose anything coz of all this again..

let my life start again without u..

there's still a long way ahead..

with a future secure for me..

a loving dad..

& buddies who always stand by me...

Thanks buddies..

Jeremy, guess what.. in the end..

i couldn't put someone else in my heart no matter how i squeeze him in..

i put myself in a one month probation..

i drag my heart away from u..

i let u go..

i don't hate u..

i hope we remain as friends..

support me.. my buddies.. i need u all..

deadbeat...

woke up at the morning.. 8a.m.. kinda surprise i could drag myself out of the bed.. prepare myself and i was feeling damn famished right from last night.. but due to no time and there happens to be nuttin to eat.. i left home with an empty stomach.. then, the meeting up was kinda shitty.. coz was kinda lost.. well, i wasn't very familiar with raffles city.. and Xy and Jia happen to be late also.. we manage to rush for the talk.. the speakers were brilliant.. and this talk really makes a difference in me.. a huge one i mean..

past by the supermarket at raffles city, and memories just flood back again. we went to the parliament talk in like working class clothes... and i mean u were handsome of coz to me.. and we went to buy some stuff like beers and th biscuit we both love before proceeding to marc's house for the holidays.. i remember i say, Dear, we look like husband and wife shopping after work and u agree with me.. at that moment, i wish i could do that for the rest of my life.. with u.. well, being alone there certainly don't feel good.

after the talk, sis came and fetch me.. i was lost again but manage to find my way back. was kinda relieved that i could do that.. went to quite a few areas and through the whole journey, i was yawning away.. i couldn't help it.. and my head was like going to drop.. my whole body aching.. i guess i caught a cold that night and just end up like that.. manage to dig out 2 panadols and go to sleep.. no more panadol extras coz i finish it.. and this normal ones just don't have any effects on me.. so i slept late last night coz of my head.. didn't buy any furniture but just saw a light for my room that i like.. it looks like a donut.. haha... guess when i feel hungry at night i just look at it.. and i be full.. went home soon after that...

saw his blog.. those tag messages always kill me.. but now not muh effect le.. maybe quite used to it le ba.. and hopefully he realli treat blah blah blah as friends and sisters.. hopefully la hor.. well, just feel uncomfortable lor seeing my ex aka someone i still love now saying i love u, i miss u to another girl... feel like banging on the wall.. till my head explode..

i shouldn't think so much and have a good holiday.. now i am sick with no more panadols.. and my mouth is swollen.. not sure if it is coz of my wisdom tooth or whatever.. coz i don't see any ulcer in it..

well, i wonder what u can do for me.. u run back and forth to get my strawberry choc for my sake... eat a whole lime meaning with the skin for me.. try to spend more time with me meaning less time with ur friends.. wait for me finish work to spend a 2 hrs celebration of new year for me.. and i know u are damn tired.. surprise me with the flower tube.. spend a wonderful birthday with me.. the flowers and the necklace..

i guess i think too much le.. 找到一个能够全心全意为你付出的人... can u?

i know u can't coz u make me understand and remember that more than i could..
i guess until someone touches my heart.. no one can ever replace u.. i should lead my normal life.. and keep the faith growing.. i told u.. no matter where i am... i love u.. not as a sister or a friend.. but as someone who is willing to spend her rest of her life with u.. and stand thru all thick and thins.. maybe u don't feel the same but i hope u will one day.. nitey people..

a NICE STORY FOR U~

A girl in love asked her boyfriend..

Girl: Tell me... who do you love most in this world?

Boy: You, of course!

Girl: In your heart, what am I to you?

Boy: The boy thought for a moment and looked intently in her eyes and said," You are my rib. In the Bible, it was said that God saw that Adam was lonely, during his sleep; God took one of Adam's rib and created Eve. Every man has been searching for his missing rib, only when you find the woman of your life; you'll no longer feelthe lingering ache in your heart.

After their wedding, the couple had a sweet and happy life for a while.However, the youthful couple began to drift apartdue to the busy schedule of life and the never-ending worries of daily problems....their life became mundane.All the challenges posed by the harsh realities of life began to gnaw away their dreams and love for each other...The couple began to have more quarrels and each quarrel became more heated.One day, after the quarrel, the girl ran out of the house....At the opposite side of the road, she shouted, "You don't love me!"The boy hated her childishness and out of impulse,retorted, "Maybe, it was a mistake for us to be together! You were never my missing rib!"Suddenly, she turned quiet and stood there for a longwhile....He regretted what he said but words spoken are likethrown away water, you can never take it back.With tears, she went home to pack her things andwas determined in breaking-up.Before she left the house, "If I'm really not your missing rib, please let me go.She continued, "It is less painful this way... let us goon our separate ways and search for our ownpartners."Five years went by....He never remarried but he had tried to find out about her life indirectly.She had left the country and back.She had married a foreigner and divorced..He felt anguished that she never waited for him.In the dark and lonely night, he lit his cigarette andfelt the lingering ache in his heart.He couldn't bring himself to admit that he was missing her.One day, they finally met.At the airport, a place where there weremany reunions and good-byes.He was going away on a business trip.She was standing there alone, with just the security door separating them.She smiled at him gently.

(b): How are you?

(g): I'm fine. How about you... Have you found yourmissing rib?

(b): No.

(g): I'll be flying to New York in the next flight.

(b): I'll be back in 2 weeks time. Give me a call when you are back...You know my number... Nothing has changed.With a smile, she turned around and waved good-bye.

One week later, he heard of her death.She had perished in New York in the event that shocked the world..Midnight.Once again, he lit his cigarette.And like before, he felt the lingering ache in his heart.He finally knew, she was the missing rib that he had carelessly broken.Sometimes, people say things out of moments of fury.Most often thannot, the outcome could be disastrous and detrimental

WHY DO I BLOG.. WHY DO I SAY ALL THIS RUBBISH FOR... FOR FUCK.. WHO CARES WHAT I WRITE IN THIS DAMN THING.. WRITING LIKE AN ESSAY FOR FUCK.. FOR WHO??? MY HEAD HURTS.. LIKE FUCK... CAN SOMEONE TELL ME.. WTH I AM DOING.. WHAT AM I MAKING MY LIFE TO.. I NEED GOOD REST BUT WHAT AM I DOING NOW.. FUCKING STUNT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT..

i wish.. i wish.. i wish..

well, could say i feel really different today.. maybe things have been make very very very clear to me.. its over.. nothing could describe how i feel... and me myself doesn't know what to say... i realli wish u could try to understand how i feel.. and try to understand.. but doesn't matter anymore.. since to u.. everything its over.. i know whatever i do is useless..

i hang on for abt 9 months.. before and after this whole thing end.. all for one thing.. just hoping u would understand and i could change your temper abit.. i don't mind u venting ur anger at me.. but one thing i know.. if ur temper continue like that.. it won't do u any good.. i could only nag till u listen but i guess i am not the one who will ever make u change ur mind for me.. and u will nv do something for my sake.. though i always wish i could do all this.. but i fail in the end.. i have not had proper sleep and meal for all this months.. my eyes are swollen most of the time.. its not that i am not tired.. but i know what i do is worthwhile if u understand.. but now.. i don't know.. it takes two hands to clap.. even if i am willing to make the effort. u would have to try... and not always u think i shouldn't do this and that.. its not about how u think but how i think also.. u always ask me to try to stand in your shoe and look at things at your way.. when i am trying to do so.. what abt u? don't want to go on anymore.. if u would have try.. u would have understand long ago.. and i don't think u even take the time to think about this anymore since u say all the feelings were gone.. all that i wish for today will nv come true but i do wish u find someone who love u more than i do and love u like the way u want them to.. i want u to be happy.

well, the keeper is terribly hurt this time.. she would have realli take a kitchen knife and stab herself if dia hadn't pick up the call.. it would have end like a tragedy.. dia.. all i can say is thanks.. even if u aren't here to hug me.. its good enough that u are there for me when i needed someone to cry out to. i don't think i ever forget this.. the pain feel so raw.. i shouldn't be thinking of this anymore.. realli wish this rp life will be over soon... i know i miss u no matter where i go.. but at least the distant keep me from torturing u..

when i first told u i love u always.. i mean it with my heart and soul.. when u give me that ring.. and when i wore it.. from then onwards.. i am willing to stand through all thicks and thins with u.. i mean everything i say except for what i say when i am angry.. i sincerely say sorry for making your life so difficult...

went to ikea today with dia they all.. the sofa bed there was nice but kinda too big.. saw a white one which is damn nice.. planning to ask dad to buy that.. am happy today but when i am alone again.. my mind start to wander.. i have to be determine enough to do so... my eyes so swollen today that i can't open it wide.. my shoulder bone even show now coz i am getting thinner day by day.. its so damn ugly.. i have to get back myself.. i look like a "huang lian po" now.. my cheeks just sank inwards.. eyebags.. "hei yuan quan" and thin like a bamboo.. WTF... i hate myself.. look so disgusting..

i think i need a plenty lot of rest and regular meals to get my body back to health.. today, after sitting at the KFC.. when i stand up.. my knee just pain till i could have fall if darren nv catch me.. after all this months.. Jamie.. u need a good rest.. i cry today till my heart is in pain.. till i tell myself i have to stop.. i know i need a good rest.. downloading stuff is just too troublesome.. i think i just don't watch ba.. haix. though very nice but... bo bian. next week will be taking my theory le.. god bless me.. i post the pics i take yst...

this is taken in the toilet while waiting for dia.. haha..



this is a kind of flower.. it look so sweet...



holding Yoshi's hand..



my ah boy is trying to kiss me.. =X

chocolate strawberry.

went to parkway parade with aunt.. bought quite a lot of things.. saw the strawberry choc... the feeling just tear me... remember that time.. he was running back and forth.. first time to see if i am alright.. coz i couldn't reply his message due to work.. and he came back just to make sure i am fine.. well, i'm real touched.. then, he say he going home.. but came back again.. with a packet of strawberry chocolate.. he look so tired and perspiring.. in the past, before i know him.. i told myself when i walk pass esplanade.. if someone ever buy this choc strawberry for me.. he would be the one i will marry. never expect him to buy it for me.. coz i thought he is really going home.. i was very touched.. and happy coz i know he care and love me.. just walk away from the choco strawberry stall as fast as i could.. after shopping...

then went to daddy's factory.. haha.. due to dad's order, everything i buy will go under his expense.. so i.. wahhahaha.. dad know i have been feeling upset for so long and well, i know he did that to cheer me up.. dad love me most.. i love u too.. aunt too.. she look tired but still ask me out for shopping.. i will be fine..

play with yoshi today and a flea climb on my hand.. scare me to death manz.. bring yoshi to walk but he seems to be the one walking me instead.. always pulling me ard.. (-_-")... have fun with yoshi today and he kiss me.. haha.. shall post the pics later..

had a good talk with dad and aunt today.. i know they care alot.. my future is stable... i know.. dad say we have a good life now with him.. in future, u will have to depend on your husband or yourself.. then i told him.. well, then i just stay with my daddy forever.. whahaha.. smart le..

dinner at roxy square.. saw mark lee and lai yiling.. haha.. due to my request... everybody jus went to eat steamboat. wahha.. but didn't really enjoy.. not much appetite..

somethings i do, u may felt stupid.. but.. a road with no ending.. leave me with no choice but to turn and take the other route.. don't give me any choice if u want your freedom.. if i get to choose.. u will never be happy.. so could u just let yourself be happy and fulfil what i want from u.. and u be happier. i don't wish to be the one to make u unhappy again.. so could u let yourself have a chance to smile and laugh like in the past.. and start a life without me.. and be the happy u again.. i will be your friend when i am realli ready to do so... =D

its not that i don't love..but.. loving is not enough..

2nd entry of the night... my world crash on me..

sometimes i do things to make myself give up... too much hurtfuls words for a day...

things are forgotten easily..

i remember every little things u do.. everything we do.. but in the end just one word things are forgotten easily.. even if love is as deep as the ocean.. one day.. it drys up.. and what left are just memories that the ocean exists.. nothing else will be remember.

no more gentle words from u..

no more.. i miss u or i love u from u..

and yet all come with only one thing.. i didn't bear to let u go or to say i can't even walk properly in a life without u..

now.. try to walk alone.. and keep away from u.. hope this bad experience with me goes with the wind.. if u would forget me.. i never blame u.. blame me for loving u too much and causing all the pressure and stress.. u say u may love me a lot in the past... but not now anymore.. but now i am telling u.. till the end of us... i still love u as much.. it only grows deeper but not lesser.. i may not be the person u love anymore.. i hope that without me in your life.. u be happy.. i really hope so..

u wanted me to tell u a reason why u need me.. frankly.. i can't find one.. but i know i need u.. without u.. i can't find my smiles... i am lost.. lonely.. i felt like nothing is complete.. but when u ask me this questions.. i know u don't feel anything.. therefore, i could only tell myself.. maybe u didn't love me as deeply as i think u did.. i love u so i need u.. for no reasons..

went to east coast with them that day.. and saw the skating ring.. the first thing i tot was u.. our first experience skating together.. u hold my hand.. and we try together.. though we fall but we were happy.. at that moment.. i realli wish everything was back in the past.. realli wish so.. i wish u could hold my hands and blade with me again..

u hold my hands..
walk down the road with me.
suddenly, u were not around..
i was scared..
but i could find u nowhere..
i lost my directions..
at the moment u let go..
so lost..
that i couldn't find myself back..
did u just let me go like that..
leaving me.. when i am so deeply in love with u..
it crush my world.. and destroy me..
did i ever tell u.. u mean my world to me..

weird creatures...

humans are weird creatures.. maybe emotions make them weird.. pple tend to treasure things only when.. things are gone.. remember one incident i had.. after school.. i was with my buddies in chong boon mac.. having fun and enjoying lunch.. when my aunt call and told me.. my grandma passed away.. tears just roll.. and in my mind i was thinking.. why didn't i visit her more often? i regret a lot.. a lot.. but what can this regrets do? all i could do is rush to my grandma's house and the only thing left is her motionless body lying on the bed.. i used to detest going to her house.. as she isn't very clear-minded of what she say.. and she will just make me sit there and hear her talk.. when i didn't even know what is she talking about.. i sit till i feel sleepy and tired.. but now, she can never do that to me.. i could never hear her nag and ask me questions treating me like my brother.. as she would mix up me, my sis all that.. i know its bad of me.. but its a lesson about life.. everytime something happen.. i just remind myself.. is it someday, when i am lying on my deathbed.. then will u hope i nag at u again.. and treasure me when i am alive.. or even if i am lying on my deathbed, u will nv feel so..

people are just so contradicting to what they want.. i want u to be mine.. and yet it is so impossible.. i want u to find a gf yet i realli can't bear to do so.. i want u to be happy and yet i can't let u go.. all coz of one thing i love u.. i don't know why i love u so much... i guess i never know.. but i have to make up my mind sometime.. everything i do.. all for one reason.. i want u to be happy.. but i guess i fail very badly.

i have so much flaws.. so much.. over-concern.. naggy.. question too much.. blah blah blah..

slp at the living room last night.. damn cold.. morning wake up feel damn unwell.. a heavy head.. my whole body feel so warm.. i'm sick k.. haix

haix...

so damn sad..

msn exchange is already a start.. and f bitch also.. presbyterian high especially.. die le.. i feel like banging my head to the wall real hard and jus end my life.. my new house is 13th floor.. wanna jump also easier.. somemore still chat.. haix.. will everything start with msn and also end with msn... haix.. i feel damn unstable.. fucking hell, why everytime got this type of thing de... fuck la.. arghz.. i hate u bitches.. damn cute.. your fucking business is it.. stupid slut.. FUCK U.. SO SLUTTY.. GET FUCK BY 100 BLANGAH TILL U DIE MANZ.. STUPID.. LITTLE BIT THEN TAKE MSN.. R U A PROSTITUDE OR A STUDENT.. COME HERE AND STUDY OR GET TO KNOW GUYS.. STUPID.. STILL CHAT.. FUCK U.. DUN LET ME SEE U OR I SKIN U ALIVE.. AND FEED THE SHARKS AT EAST COAST... JUST THROW U DOWN.. ONE PIECE ONE PIECE ALSO NO ONE KNOW.. STUPID BUBU.. SLAP UR FACE SLANT AND UR MOUTH CROOKED.. I HATE U TO THE CORE.. ARGHZ.. SLUT SLUT SLUT SLUT.. I CAN'T STAND IT MANZ.. EVERYTIME GALS GALS GALS...

i breaking down.. u go out with your female classmates.. alone to movies.. alright i take it.. u should know i will go mad in the past.. alright.. i try to understand how u feel and think.. then fine.. come another stephanie.. jus in a day u exchange msn with her.. dun u find this very familiar.. alright.. this is how we start.. isn't it.. in msn.. u can say i am thinking too much.. but well.. i am afraid.. i'm scare. okay.. i am afraid of seeing someone else in your arms.. i am so afraid.. though i know this will happen someday.. but i still don't know how i face it.. i know i will be terribly upset.. i know if i slap her u will slap me.. back.. and i felt that.. if u got no interest in her.. u won't even bother to exchange your msn.. maybe u felt it is jus fren but what is she thinking u know.. would any gal jus want your msn for nuttin out of other pple in the room.

i know i got no rights to even say this to u.. i know i got no rights to do anything or even scold her now.. coz i am nobody.. used to think i am very important to u.. but in the end i find out i am jus another person who cross ur path.. to u. i try to tell myself she is jus a friend.. but i fail.. u seem to light up when u tok abt her just now.. even chat with her in msn. whenever i wanna chat with u.. u are always busy doing something else.. not even caring to chat with me.. u know how i felt.. so damn upset.. she seems to be getting the privileges that i used to get in the past.. where can i find excuse to console myself.. no where? no more excuse that i an find that u still love me.. nowadays even if i don't chat with u.. u will never approach me on your own. u no longer care how my health is.. ask me to slp early or even care abt my family.. i know u don't need to do that.. but its just a hope of mine.. a lost hope..

i can tell u.. with my mouth.. with the strong willed voice that.. i am jus ur friends so why can't u tell me this.. but deep in my heart... i hate this fren word so much.. i got no choice.. but to show u that i treat u as a friend.. in my heart, i jus don't mean it.. what can i do but to tell u.. tat u are my fren.. a fren who has been so close and now so far.. and to pretend to laugh happily when u say y lor.. fren

Xy, whatever i do for him.. i don't expect anything.. jus him to be happy.. u ask me if he is happy? u r right.. maybe somethings that i do, he won't be happy but i am trying my best.. to help him and not annoy him.. but i always fail but i guess now should be better le ba.. i still trying though.. don't worry about me.. if this relationship is the one that will ruin me.. what i do also no use.. just leave it to fate..

i should trust u to say that she is just your friend.. hope nothing happen.. our love may not run deep but definitely my love for is as deep as the ocean.. the least thing i could hope for is to be ur good fren that u will speak too.. and stay by ur side for as long as i can.. but frankly.. who doesn't want to be with the person they love.. i really wonder if u will bear to slap me, if i really slap your gf... don't don't speak to me for a month.. i die.. of missing u..

tired... gonna be sleeping in the living room today.. so cold.. coz my room got a lizard on the floor.. but i manage to save gou gou and my chou chou out.. they are safe and sound.. so jus slp with two of them ba.. no head pillow and blanket.. die le.. the lizard is using it.. (-_-").. i'm dead beat.. GOD BLESS U.. slp tite..

actually saying so much.. i don't think he ever read my blog again.. less and less often he will read and in the end.. he won't read it anymore..

what a day~

alright.. went to my new house with my family.. when i step inside i was like ee.. so dirty.. coz daddy sprinke salt and rice inside.. haha.. dunno when he become so superstitious. the swimming pool was woohoo~ beautiful.. look like a beach.. can't wait to swim there.. wahaha.. alright.. the room was kinda small.. but alright la.. me alone ma.. too big also scary.. love the master bedroom toilet to bits.. the mirror was huge.. with a nice bathtub and a view of the east coast beach.. jus gorgeous.. haha.. can bath and look at the seaview.. after all the measuring thingies.. we went to eat steamboat at parkway parade.. don't taste as good as before le.. anyway roxy square steamboat also moving le.. ferny take note wor.. don't go there for nothing.. got eat one.. see he will tag my board a not.. haha.. =p .. then we went to look for furnitures.. i still haven buy my bed.. =( after parkway parade.. we went to nova.. the salesman so damn farnie.. he say he was shock to see me. coz he tot i am zoe tay.. pls.. so big diff.. i am so small size k.. then went to IMM at jurong.. then i start to miss him more le lor.. coz i know he is near me.. IMM not much to walk actually... everyone also tired le.. went to long beach for dinner.. haha.. was damn full..

then daddy ask bro-in-law to drive.. so funny. daddy is lazy.. went to dad's factory take fish and saw ah boy.. take some photos for him.. poor ah boy like grow thin le leh.. haix.. gonna post his photos later..

alright.. suckz.. i'm a nuisance... i bwg.. no need to keep reminding me i am not ur who.. i noe i am not ur who..


cool le.. my ah boy..


looking out for my dad.. haha..


staring at my stupid brother..


ah boy: don't take my photo..

the meaning of soon qi zi ran~

alright.. this has been a big question mark for me.. for very long.. tonight i finally know what it is..

hear what u say.. yet the feeling was - ... haha.. a cocktail will describe my feeling.. again i am lost.. talk to dia.. and i am enlightened by your fellow taureans mates.. and of course my good sister.. all i hope for is u don't have any gf.. and we could talk like before.. hopefully i can try not to avoid u.. haha.. and also u make some effort for maybe us or whatever..

some things that i really want to say.. i hope u don't take me for granted alright.. coz u do sometimes.. it realli dun feel good to be taken for granted though u know i always do things for u willingly but just hope u appreciate what i try to do.. i told u your game will always be there but not everyone will alway stay in your life forever. i am trying to tell u, u can play your game whenever u like but under some circumstances.. i may be force or even too tired to stay in your life anymore. so we treasure everything now okay..

let things go with the flow.. don't hold much hope.. don't think too much.. jus keep the love n the faith in one place deep in my heart.. jus treat everything as normal.. but frankly, i have no confident at all this time round.. yet my heart just don't die.. so jus hope things will be better.. coz i will treasure.. i am still waiting for the day u are willing to lift your hand and help me.. i don't know what my wait will bring me to.. and though i didn't dare to hope for much but i still hope that there will not be another disappointment.

today went east coast with my buddies.. cycle till my leg now damn f pain.. the joints pain again.. shucks.. believe that i won't slp well tonight.. like that time.. haix.. i so useless le.. actuallyw e cycle the whole east coast if i not wrong. then got gals wearing bikini blading.. stunt manz.. the 3 guys jus nose bleed haha.. lao tico.. then we have fun at the beach.. stupid marc.. make me fly and fall.. so painful.. hurt my kneecap now swollen.. and bleed.. poor me.. always kanna bully.. haix.. sad.. my legs now so pain..

but i enjoy myself.. thanks to my dearest buddies.. haha.. darren keep waiting for me.. coz i cycle like a snail today.. thank u.. then diana also.. haha.. paiseh le.. buddies men.. i enjoy myself today but damn shag.. and its 2.37a.m now but i feel so awake.. die le la.. today eat a lot.. maybe coz good mood ba... wahaha.. now a bit hungry.. should be going to bed soon le..


The only email u send me .. and a story that touched me..

i have kept this story with me for so long ever since the day u send me, even after i change my email add.. this story stays with me. i have been reminding myself with this story.. and what u are trying to tell me.. i'm sorry that i didn't manage to do it well but it did change how i felt about some of the things. i didn't realli get contented with what i ahd from u.. and i may not be able to do as much as what the engineer can do.. even if i stay in your life.. but one thing for sure.. i would like to be the one who could change your unhappiness to happiness.. to be there for u whenever u need me and to take care of u with all i have.. jus because u don't love me the way i want u to.. doesn't mean that u don't love me with all u have.. i know now.. u bring me to places i never been before, bring me to eat what i never taste before.. tell me hings that i have never heard before.. u give me the happiness that i have never had before, u help me solve problems i always face.. therefore, u know how important u are to me.. without u, i nv get to go to this beautiful places, i nv get to taste food i like.. nv know more how the world looks like.. never know how to smile with my heart, never know how fortunate i am to have u.. now, without u, i'm lost..

This is to remind us of the bfs/gfs/wives/hubbies that we sometimes take for granted.

My husband was an engineer. Since I met him, he was always an unflappable rock in my life. I knew he always had his feet firmly planted on the ground, and it seemed that no matter what else went crazy, he would be the one constant. Three years of romance, and two years of marriage later, I got tired. He was the most unromantic man I know. He never bought me flowers, he never surprised me, and nothing changed in our marriage. After some time, I finally found the courage to tell him that I wanted to leave him. He just sat there, speechless. My heart froze... what kind of man was I married to that didn't even know what to say to make me stay? After a while, he spoke, "What can I do to change your mind?" "I will stay if you can give me a good answer to this question," I replied coldly. "If I asked for a flower that grew on a cliff and you knew that getting it for me means certain death, would you get it for me?" His face grew troubled. Can I give you an answer tomorrow morning?" he asked. Hearing that kind of answer, my heart died. I knew that I could never be happy with a man who couldn't even give me an answer straight away. The next morning, when I woke up, he was missing. In the living room, under a warm glass of milk, was a note. My eyes grew misty as I read it... Dear, I have my answer. I will never pick the flower for you if it meant certain death. But before you leave, I hope you can give me a chance to give you my reasons.... You will always sit in front of the computer and type about for the whole day, but every time you will end up in tears cause your formatting will always go all over the place... I need my fingers to do the formatting for you, so your tears will become smiles. You like to travel, but would always get lost... I need my eyes, so that I can bring you to the nicest place on earth. Every time you leave the house, you would always forget your keys... I need my legs, so that I can run home to open the door for you. You never knew how to take care of yourself... I need my hands to help you get rid of the pesky white hair you hate so much when you grow old, to trim your nails, to feed you. So you see, that's why I can't pick the flower for you. Until I find someone who loves you more than I do, I will need my body to take care of you. If you accept my reasons, then open the door, where I will be waiting with your favourite muffin." With tears streaming from my eyes, I opened the door, and there he stood, with an extremely worried look on his face. He still had nothing to say, but just stood there waving the packet he had in his hand in front of me. And then I knew for a fact that I will never find another man who will ever love me as much as he does.

Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean that they don't love you with all they have.

i fail...

i know i am useless.. i am real weak..

jus add a song to my blog.. this song sings out how i feel.. totally.. whenever i sing.. tears just find its way down my cheeks..

feel damn down..

damn upset..

haven had anything since morning.. only the one and a half hotcakes..

i should make good of my words.. realli leave u alone.. like u want me to so much..

but one thing for sure.. i say i never love u again.. its just anger words.. maybe it kinda makes u feel better but still i have to say its anger words.. i don't mean it..

maybe i shouldn't go to school today.. i should have avoid u..

i'm in agony.. worse then death..

wanted to smile real happily but somehow couldn't find my happiness in my smile.. it jus seems so fake..

i wish i am in a coma..

its 3.10a.m now.. and i am still typing here.. i felt like i am a corpse.. so dead.. my heart in pain.. my mind missing u.. my gastric in pain yet my mouth feel so bland.. my lips dry.. and me feeling dizzy.. feel like jus lying there..

god.. can u stop this game.. i don't have anything to play on.. no faith.. no hope.. only left is a one sided love.. that runs deep as the ocean.. and a frail me.. getting weaker each day..

if something had land me in a coma.. i will choose not to wake up.. let myself sleep forever if life is going to carry on like this..

i keep my promise to u.. coz i did promise i leave u alone..

your games stay while i have to leave.. like i say.. ur games will always be there but not everyone will stay in your life forever..

Your Icecream Flavour is... French Vanilla!

You're a smooth and silky suave type! You exude class and you believe in tradition. A classical taste who doesn't like things to be too flashy or showy. Climb the Eiffel tower of taste with a spoonfull of you! Oui Oui!

What is your Icecream Flavour?
Find out at Go Quiz

my accumulated tots...

add hugs to my blog.. haha.. feel free to give me hugs i mean on my blog not when you see me.. gals are okay.. guys better not if you want to keep your balls.

it's jus how i think, how u feel.. follow my heart or my mind.. i choose.. but when did i ever got to choose.. only one thing..

every woman needs a shoulder to cry on.. is it true?

have been having gastric pain for the whole day today.. haix.. and not enough sleep also.. i didn't even slp up to 15 hrs for 3 days.. add together wor.. one day 2 or 3 hrs slp only.. no wonder i keep feeling dizzy as if i am going to faint..

after i tell him my decision.. he no longer talk to me le.. haix.. why people like that de... well.. but that decision also useless le la..

can i don't think.. dia its true.. what i say tat day is too early.. coz the feeling is back again... i jus feel so scare.. so afraid of the loud voice shouting at me asking to shut up.. leave u alone.. the way vulgarities are hurl at me.. i'm scare and so afraid.. my head is getting painful again.. i need to buck up..

daddy is getting the key for our new house tomorrow.. hopefully a new environment gives me less time to think about it.. alright i need some friends to help me coz i am going to ikea to get some thing and decorate my room.. and fix those DIY stuff.. *guys preferred.. who want to volunteered... dia, you are welcome.. and help me design my room.. darren too.. my personal designer.. haha... rachel, i shall assign you to take photograph for us when everything is done.. marc.. will help me to carry stuff and i need one more to fix my stuff haha.. coz i don't trust marc workmanship.. (i don't want the shelf to drop if i put books on it... opps) haha... and we eat the hotdog bread.. yummy..

this few days i have been asking myself.. would someone who love me jus scold me like that... or even bear to see me like that.. getting thinner or even weaker.. and yet he is still so determine.. maybe you have got your reasons.. and i think mostly its coz of what i have been doing.. but i guess people are selfish.. i have to face it... this is life right? like you always tell me.. its just so cruel.. so i just told myself.. its not worth crying over it.. when you don't care.. this is the best way i can let things go... people ask me how i pass this 4 months.. funny enough i don't know.. maybe its coz the love that i had for you.. this is the only thing i can think of.. i miss the times when we get together.. the things we do.. and the little things you do for me.. if you ask me now.. i say i still love you as much.. but i wish this path that you choose will make you a happier person.. and definitely no regrets.. i try my best le.. and i have no regrets and i hope i see that smile on you.. and of course a better temper.. and don't always think that NS = No life.... i believe you know how to make good use of it.. =D well, to me.. jeremy is still the gentle, fun.. though sometimes got a bit of moodswing.. but its okay.. person that i have noe.. so no change anymore le wor... i'm always here when you need someone to talk to or need someone to scold.. but give me the red light first pls.. =p

life is so contradicting..

everytime i listen to this song.. memories just came back to me... remember that day i was very tired in class and was kinda half-asleep... then you send me this song.. its new to me.. well, then while listening.. i was paying special attention to the lyrics.. after listening to this song.. i was touched and happy... then i ask you.. are u trying to say something with this song and u told me yes.. my heart just melt...

there's somethin' that
i've got to sayyou're always with me
even though, you're far away
talkin to you on my cell
just the sound of your voice
makes my heart melt
oh girl, well it's true
i'm all about you
i'm all about us
no, baby, you never have
to question my love
and every night
there's a new crowd
but it's always you
that i'm singing about
there is only one these words
are going out to
oh girl, i'm all about you
some other girl will make me forget you're mine
there's not a doubt in this world
that anyone could take the
place of my number one girl
it's true
i'm all about you
i'm all about us
no, baby, you never have
to question my love
and every night
there's a new crowd
but it's always you
that i'm singing about
there is only one these words
are going out to
oh girl, i'm all about you
when i close my eyes i can see you
it's like your right here
and this feeling's only gettin' stronger
you're with me everywhere
i'm all about youi'm all about us
no, baby, you never haveto question my love
and every night
there's a new crowd
but it's always you
that i'm singing about
there is only one these words
are goin' out to
oh girl, i'm all about you
i'm all about you
i'm all about you
i'm all about you
i'm all about you....

things i want to do now..
+ don't let my daddy worry about me..
+ feed myself fat again..
+ study harder
+ look at thing more positively and in more perspective..
+ treasure my friends..
+ train my voice

omg.. my shoulder hurts so much.. arghz...

people do change...

ziwei, the monkey is from action city.. 30+ very very very cute.. u like it.. look so sweet and can record msg to your loved ones.. haha.. can go and take a look..

ya.. no matter who.. people do change... its jus change to the better or to the worse.. i will never let myself change for the worse... never..

well, i'm useless.. i admit i am.. infront of u.. i lose everything.. i am defeated.. i lose my last bit of pawn which is our faith and your love and my trust.. and i lose it.. i lose this game.. i lose my world...

i don't want my fate to lie in a cs game.. though i try very hard to play.. but no i will not let it decide my fate...

i feel empty..

i am not afraid to love. i am jus afraid of loving too deeply... and end up getting deeply hurt...

i don't want to cry everytime i see u.. neither do i want to quarrel with you.. but you know.. the tears are out of my control... i get upset when u say something that hurts me.. and tears are the effects of my heart ache... not coz i wan you to pity me.. or sympathize with me.. its my pain.. all because i love you.. i myself too wish when i see you or talk to you.. i can be smiling... and not crying... and you could be talking nicely with me not punching you hand here and there... it aches me when you hands hit on those stuff too.. and not shouting at me.. i wish for this also... i admit i do want to be with you very much.. but now i have no rights to ask for more.. i guess friends is the best i can ask for...

went to ntuc and buy a lot of stuff.. want to make myself eat till i vomit.. well.. indeed i am lost.. lost of how to react..

let me leave with a beautiful image of u.. could u... don't spoil it...

i have to get on with it.. i should.. sing my heart out.. cry my eyes blind.. jus shout and let my heartache go with the wind.. take it away from me.. i need to go to the beach badly.. very badly..
Dia, sorry about what i have said.. and thanks for your understanding.. i know you must have feel upset.. after hearing that.. i never did try to understand how you feel... well, should i say this.. which girl don't want to be happy.. only me.. hhaha.. anyway really sorry... i should know you well enough to not to say that.. DUI BU QI.. anyway.. i know you treasure what you have.. we treasure our friendship.. =D

another day...

wake up late in the afternoon.. clean my room with daddy's help.. haha.. have to ask him to dismantle the fan for me before i can wash it.. keep some of my soft toys.. in the cupboard.. too many le.. haha..

then.. daddy ask me to go swimming with him.. i was so damn tired.. haha.. in the end he go along... today, i learnt to fry nian gao.. haha.. but it turn out a bit weird.. the egg don't know go where.. lol... then daddy cook seafood.. i eat the sotong and my whole mouth turn black.. haha.. daddy never wash the sotong properly.. eekz.. aahah... but still taste nice.. my cross-stitch is going.. to be out.. haha.. actually still quite far... also nothing much to say la.. wanted to get a new pair of sandals but can't find one i like and suit most of my cloths.. haix..

i miss the pink monkey manz.. its so sweet. its like a soft toy and able to record a message in it.. but cost 30+... I BU SHE DE BUY... but its so cute.. well, just bear with it.. i forget about it soon.. i miss u... tomorrow got to go to school for vb challenge.. sian...

you may think that you are just someone in this world... but to somebody else.. you may mean the world to them...

REGRETS...

was home the whole day... doing cross-stitch.. and watching tv and eating.. slack ah.. should have gone to the rp band performance at esplanade but too bad la everyone not free.. so gotto stay at home.

was keeping myself busy with the cross-stitch.. but thoughts keep running in my mind.. words that u say yesterday.. then i ask myself, why don't u treasure what you have... why didn't I? all the little things that you do... images of us keep appearing in my mind.. my heart aches.. i regret but what's the use? the way you talk to me that afternoon.. tells me everything.. i wanted very much to convince you that your decision is wrong but thinking.. if you don't love me anymore.. u won't even care what i am doing like now? ... playing lame games in the mrt.. waking up early for pratas.. going to sentosa together.. watching the dolphins.. i could never have this anymore.. coz i throw it away with my own hands.. i wish i couldn't think of any of this.. so that my tears won't fall... i wish i could hear u say u still wish to be with me.. i wish.. its all i wish.. wishes don't come true..

heard from kuan liang.. that there will be rp idol again.. i'm thinking of joining but i don't think i am up to it... remember you say if i were to join rp idol.. u will go up to stage and present flowers for me.. i know i will never get the flowers.. even if i ever join now.. i know you are my friend.. you have been emphasizing on this so much.. that i couldn't even hide myself from this heartache.. i guess i just join for the experience.. nothing much...

saw your tag for mini... ferny to my xiaoxi.. i wasn't jealous.. but the thought just came that.. what am i to you? now maybe what i deserve is just a my fren.. thats all.. haix.. i don't want to think so much.. don't wish to think so much.. i really don't want..

sometimes, i could hide the feelings up very well.. but at times, i just can't.. can't do anything about it.. i miss you all day long.. miss hugging u.. kissing u.. holding that pair of big hands.. and me wrap in your arms.. i miss it all.. but i could do nothing.. coz i know i lose it forever.. you leading your single life very well.. i know you don't need me.. neither do you miss me..

the best way not to cry, is not to look at things that will make you cry..
i always choose to cry.. coz thats the only way.. i felt that i could let my feelings out..

i feel so discouraged.. so discouraged that nothing could be done.. why???????? i couldn't feel anything from you.. neither can i see you.. i couldn't feel care from you.. not even a little for a friend.. i want to trust u.. and think in a better way.. like what dia say.. but why do i feel its so useless.. i couldn't help but to cry.. my heart feel the pain.. i could only feel that you are happy without me... can someone just brainwash me.. i will feel a lot better..

how i wish.. u won't give me up.. won't stop loving me.. won't stop caring for me...

mum has been treating me like fuck recently.. don't know what i do la.. dad has so many problems.. hand and eyes.. haix.. make me so worry... what the hell.. well, you didn't even ask about him at all.. i guess.. you give up already.. on me... totally give up.. arghz.. jus kill me... stab me in my heart.. and i be fine..

a happy day..

well, morning.. was kinda.. dunno how to say.. but i know i have not much time left...

went out in the afternoon.. never go to the audition.. went to orchard alone.. to the library.. my books return.. no books interest me today.. btu for the sake of the holiday.. got to get some.. then off to meet marc.. ate long john.. its been so long since i have that.. as for usual.. i only manage to finish one piece.. waste hor.. haix.. then went to meet Dia they all at PS.. haha went to John little but the bras not very nice.. somemore not cheap.. haha.. bluff pple de... then went to spotlight.. actually wanna buy the cross stitch but damn exp... so decide to come back amk then buy.. then we go and eat dian xin.. haha.. never manage to fill my stomach.. only okay okay nia.. went to their school opening ceremony.. actually want to watch fashion show but too late le la.. so we just go home..

went to amk.. bought the cross stitch.. a bag... so nice.. can use to keep my things.. so sweet somemore.. haha.. they teach knitting there too.. so nice.. thinking of going for the knitting course... talk to dad just now.. haix.. his eyes.. also don't know what to say. talk to him vomit blood.. hope the doctor know what to do before he go blind.. haix.. kinda losing my voice..

alright, that's all for today..

what am i doing?

this night, i am feeling so damn hell.. keep calling you and make you angry.. but i don't know what i want at all.. what is happening.. sorry, though i know it is useless but i'm really sorry.. and what done is already done..

JEREMY... DUI BU QI.. I KNOW MY BAD HABIT IS BACK.. I'M TRYING.. *this is my ka cheng.. i let you beat.. jus don't be angry.. =D --> smack (_I_)

haix.. why am i like that.. knowing he doesn't like it yet i am doing it.. must make him angry till lke shit then i happy... i am such a pig.. arghz...................................... haix... can i not be like that.. be more patient.. what's there to be impatient about.. think properly then do ma.. why u need to like that le.. coz of this you already lose him.. what more do you want.. is it make him crazy le then u happy???????????????? or one day he don't talk to you or find one new gf then you happy is it????????????? NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONNONONONONO... can u just change.. isn't for him.. even if you got other bf.. u will also drive them crazy.. jus think properly before u do... dun let your emotions get the better of u.. can u? if not u gonna lost him forever.. u will.. he will not wait for u... neither will he treat u well.. u wait long long.. also don't have.. its either u change or u continue quarreling with him.. u choose... change u have no loss.. dun change u lose everything.. the distant between u two is moving further and further.. so u wan to pull it back.. or just let it drift.. u decide??? cant give up then jus go ahead.. u nv find one u love so much in life so easily.. there is still time left though not too long.. but that is time.. right.. trust and be more positive.. no matter what..treat him like a friend.. jus hang on.. when time comes to let go.. then there is nothing you can do.. well, a couple is like best friends.. isnt it.. haha..

actually i regret so much.. it could be easier to be back together again at first.. but all this quarrels drift us a part.. why i have to do so before i learn.. i know as long as i am in rp.. its damn hard to let go and me myself doesnt want to.. its damn stupid for a relationship to end over quarrels. not worth it also.. and hurdles are something that couples have to walk through and understand each other before they can be stable.. i will try to understand things better and look at things in a better way.. meanwhile.. study hard.. gal.. u have to.. either to australia or in singpore.. only one thing can decide..

I REGRET SO MANY THINGS MAN.. HAIX.. WHY..

finally, what u say makes sense to me.. romantic isn't something that can always be done.. if always need to be romantic.. then if married for whole life.. u have to think of so many things for birthday, valentine, etc.. really very cham.. its the thoughts that count.. moomoo.. haha.. and yet i am so happy.. haha.. gotto go to bed.. dun think so much la gal.. dun think dun think dun think..

a slacker day..

haha.. well, i'm home the whole day today.. why? coz i overslept... firstly last night quarrel with jeremy the pig.. so no mood to study and also the subject is web which i hate most. so just haha, you know..

feel like eating pasta now, but actually i am quite full.. just finish watching the "ge dou tian wang" which is damn nice and funny.. haha.. i watch all 6 series.. waiting for more to come.. haha.. actually do nothing for the day.. tomorrow shall be going to school.. web application le.. sian..

okay.. what i want to say.. mm... kaixiong suddenly very nice to me.. haha.. always msg me etc.. weird ah.. well, can't deny that he is a guy with very good qualities.. going to U after his ns.. not bad ah.. and character wise also very good temper... but the thing most impt to me is still the feeling.. i always wonder if its good that i am such an emotional freak.. but now i could tell myself its good but it depends on how i handle all this emotions in me.. i often think that the world seems so scary without love.. of all kinds.. not just BGR.. don't you people agree.. i'm one who need all forms of love.. an emotional libra.. with negative attitude.. trying to go more positive.. this is life..

then gonna talk about this haagen dazs ice-cream that is lying inside my refrigerator for about over one week.. nobody wants to eat.. such a waste.. though i feel like eating ice-cream now.. but that is too sweet for me.. haha.. it taste no diff from normal ice-cream outside, instead i find that the ice-cream with peanut outside takashimaya by the road is much nicer.. miss it man.. gonna eat this week.. no matter what.. aha.. i'm a greedy pig.. i wish to grow fatter... i hope i could.. so at least i look healthier and not like a sick person.

for the whole day, i get dizzy spells.. this always happen when my blood pressure jus shoot down... just pray i don't faint on the way to school.. too bad.. when i want to faint.. always no time to call.. lolx.. before i take my phone out, i already lie on the floor le.. lolx.. farnie ah... so i just pray i am not wearing skirt when i faint and i faint in a place where there is many pple..

mm.. thinking not to cut my hair le.. just let it grow long.. and i perm and cut at one go.. save money.. meanwhile i just tie up... shall go to ikea one of this days.. if not sure last minute work.. haha.. tata..