顺其自然

快乐。。。

sch day.. sch blues.. advanced or maintain..

slept for abt 1 hr last night.. but i'm not studying stats at all.. i'm jus sitting there and browsing everything lazing on my sofa.. what the heck right.. then thanks to addison that i am able to wake up this morning.. if not.. gones.. but it makes not much diff.. stats paper was shit.. a sure flunk paper.. and for the rest of the day.. stats problem was shit too.. i slack and slack till the day is over.. what is happening to me manz... after sch went to amk central as i was too famish.. bought a burger and fries from the hawker and then sis called me to rush home.. zzz.. so tired..

alright.. i'm feeling kinda lost actually.. i didn't know whether i should walk forward or stay at the same position.. i'm not sure of a lot of stuffs.. even if i could see.. what is infront of me.. im not sure if its true or not... therefore, i'm still stuck here.. stuck in a view where i can't see what is infront of me clearly.. and i can't jus walk infront blindly.

i wanted to jus leave everything alone.. and let everyone else make the decision that have to be made... but could this be done.. assumptions always make things even worse.. so why keep assuming this and that and then try to console urself or give urself reassurance.. do what u want and what makes u happy.. be urself..

i don't want to live my whole life being someone i am not.. pretending i don' give a damn about it or what..

i rather i hurt mel now den i hurt him later.. forget it.. im in shit myself..

shouldn't care so much.. im fuging lack of slp.. at this point of time.. i need a day to slp at home.. jus slp.. *bye

I'm not gonna do what is wrong again..

i'm vexed... feeling kinda down.. why the sudden mood swing..

i can't expect everything to go my way.. so why am i thinking of all this.. this is life..

contented.. yes i need to be contented.. at least..

i'm totally in a mess now.. gonna flunk my stats 99.999%... and don't know a thing about it.. or to say i got no mood to study..

Out of clutter, find Simplicity.From discord, find Harmony.In the middle of difficulty lies Opportunity.

am i a devil or an angel?

*ciaoz

quick one..

i got to make a decision fast.. something short and sweet..hopefully sweet enuff for him..
hahs..

dad drove me home today from kallang.. first time so nice le.. hahas.. but im freaking tired.. came back.. meddle with the lappy stuff.. yawns.. haven study for my statistics.. kinda gone le..

i done something bad.. but who cares.. and i made a decision on it.. well, i know what i want..

and i'm simply not gonna think so much of what's going to happen or not happen... one should be contented since everything is back to normal..

saw the way jeremy drive jus now.. and i review at the way i drive.. kinda big diff.. god.. no wonder he always call me a dumbass.. but i will improve.. so that my car won't jump like a frog sometimes.. hahas..

now doing a facial mask.. shall go and study for my stats..

shall i buy the white top.. but i don't think have le.. *sad

got a bit of headache.. i think i need plenty of rest but daddy keep saying i nv help with the painting... how to when i have school.. alright.. shall try to help in the weekends..

exhausted~

why do humans have to make so much decisions.. and when making a decisions.. there are simply too much to consider.. the solutions won't be perfect.

i'm definitely kind of drain off all my energy.. not enuff slp.. busy day tml.. haix.. headache go away.. shall go to bed extra early today..

now having class... third meeting.. i'm having gastric pain.. arghz.. super tired.. im seriously lack of sleep.. use a matchstick to open my eyes pls.. bye..

i nv try.. opening a msn window and don't know what to say or don't dare to say anything.. when what i say give me a any business of urs.. i feel like fainting..

i see my frens going thru what i went thru in the last few months, in the dilemma of listening to your heart or mind.. wel, i realli have to say, it isn't a very nice experience..

i have to take it that.. life just don't happen the way we want it to be.. i accept the fact that.. maybe when i thought.. we could behave like frens.. its jus all of my wishful thinkin. all that affect me was calling me unknown.. its life isn't it..

i heard pple saying everything.. about loving.. forever.. waiting.. deserving what and what.. but who realli deserves what.. how do we see it or measure.. how much one deserve.. i am much more fortunate than many other people.. a bunch of good friends, my family, pple who love me. i should be contented instead of whining here.. sometimes i keep wondering.. do i have a face that everytime someone see me they would want to scold or yell at me or just don't like me at all.. i felt so sometimes..

i wanted to go to the library and jus sob in one corner after school today.. but as i walked.. my mind keeping drilling me with questions like how long can u do this jamie.. u are going to face him for the next few months.. so are you going to hide in the library and sob fo the rest of your time in RP. i'm not going to do that, i turned and went back to class, sit down.. do my quiz and blah.. i feel exhausted.. feel.. out of place.. feel like my head suddenly weigh like tons of whatever but i jus knew i had to be back.. i got to look at him at the face and jus face him.. even if there is feelings.. it will be hide up and maybe eventually one day it will fade.. i don't know.. i jus know this person leaves a very big mark in my life.. one day, even if my hair is all white. i remember him as the one in my heart. i feel so drained.. maybe i'm jus too tired.. been feeling giddish.. haix..

i guess, i face everything differently now.. be it love, friendship, kinship.. i want to smile lik before.. live everyday to the fullest..

i hope i could see him smile like before and live his life to the fullest.. no matter what.. bless u..

believe what u can do.. life always goes on.. so why don't i face it beautifully and jus walk on..

its a fullstop..

i don't know what the hell is going on but one thing i'm upset...

when i can face him as a friend.. things jus change again.. why does it have to happen like this..

could heaven even let me noe what was wrong before anything else happen..

do i realli have to fall in the arms of others before he realli believe i give up.. do i..

what hurts me most.. is calling me an unknown.. after all that had happen.. i'm an unknown..

it hurts me like hell.. i couldn't even stop myself from letting my tears drop.. in class.. infront of jay.. infront of everyone.. why..

i'm definitely hurt.. beyond everything.. everything was gone.. though in my mind.. i still don't know what exactly is going on.. but what's the use of pursueing the answer.. when the heart and hope dies.

when i could believe we once loved.. we once were happy.. when i could believe i could stay as a normal fren with u.. not even a good one.. when all i want is behave like an adult and face everything myself.. everything shattered again.. right infront of me.. leaving me no place to hide.. to cry.. could i swallow every drop of tear.. i can't.

jeremy, i don't want to assume anything anymore. neither do i want to guess or think anymore. i said before, if this is how u want me to think and feel. i do as u wish. its all up to u.. i nv hate u.. for calling me an unknown.. or anything else.. in fact, i'm only hurt.. very hurt by ur words. i got nothing to say anymore. what i can say is that.. i treat u as a fren.. if u wan.. if not.. there is nothing i can do.. take care..

i wanted to move on with another new relationship... but i know i hurt the other one.. it isn't possible or fair.. so be it.. let nature take its course.

Thanks Add for treating me and cheering me up.

i'm not going to cry myself down anymore.. i got a life to lead.. and things to do.. i should walk ahead.. shall study hard and stop slacking.. jia you..

tomolo will be better..

it nv fail to make me cry everytime i read this story... i read it thrice.. and i still tear now when i read it.. i know i do the same thing if i were that girl.

i'm feeling so weak.. and no strenght lidat.. why.. haix.. i dunno.. so sick.. arghz.. i'm all alone since morning.. dunno where everyone else go to.. alright.. shall stop grumbling..

its nt easy to be anything when no one appreciates it..

it makes me upset.. but what to do.. maybe he has his reasons.. which he doesn't want to tell..

its a sunday and i'm awake coz of those deafening calls again. its mum tis time.. always abt laundry...

sch is starting.. tml.. i wish it will have a good start like what u say.. but i'm like so half-hearted and a feeling that doesn't wish it to start. something is holding me back too.. mayb i'm afraid my old ways will be back.. but i make sure i don't... determination is all that i need.

in life, i had only myself to decide for my future.. coz its my future.. i want to live everyday to the fullest.. and wake up everyday with a smile knowing that i still have everything i love. my family and friends. good day...

sleepless nite...

nuttin could be done.. i couldn't even provide the moral support.. coz there is a wall. something he build to keep me away... jus shut up and he be happier.. i feel helpless.. and sad..

nobody is going to care if u can let go.. if u love him now.. or even care abt him now.. its all up to u.. and it all ends with a so what..

i blog to pen down my unhappiness or happiness.. to let my friends noe hw i feel.. it relieves me to speak out.. to share.. maybe u shld learnt to share ur unhappiness with ur frens instead of only happiness.

thats the reason i blog..

move on is what u do.. determination is all u need.. all ends with a so wat...

after the last post... i had the thinking or feeling that he love me again.

i pull myself back and told myself no he doesnt love u at all.. and the voice saying get out of my life just flash thru my mind.

im gonna believe in what he wants me to believe.. thats it.. what u say or do.. i believe.. tat's all i know how to do.. and the rest its up to u fate..

i believe heaven has plan something for me.. and im gonna live thru everyday with laughter and face life postively.. not because i dont have to worry about anything in life but how i face it and how i think.. its my life.

Msg for Jia,

I know it won't be easy for u.. but just remember the happy moments that u have.. with him and that what he is doing now is for both of u.. he needs your support. i believe everything will be ok.. if u just keep this in mind and if u need someone to talk to.. i'm here.. u must take care of yourself.

tears just rolled down my cheeks.. and i felt heartache once again..

why is it that way.. i felt pain for him.. a pain that is excruciating.. a pain that can't be describe.

though u said i'm not the one u loved anymore.. but its ok.. i don't deny.. i care and love u..

my overconcern.. my sensitivity.. didnt give u what u realli need but only more stress.. but thanks for everything that u gave me and taught me.. without u.. i nv be what i am today.. i've grown up le..

i know everything hasn't been easy for u.. and i know things are hard for u now.. but.. i still hope u face it with all u have.. and i know u be strong.. life isn't about being rich, poor, sick or healthy.. its about all that u have.. learnt and go thru.. and i hope u be happy and be the happy u inside or outside.. like u say.. we may not get to marry or married the one we love most but we still wish the best for each other right.. i wish all the best for u.. i always remember u.. i always remember what u say.. keep the feelings somewhere in ur heart. its a feeling i keep.

afterall, all that he need is someone who understand his situation, be there for him and support him.. but its too late for me. coz there is no hope and there is only fear that everything will happen again. making things real impossible.

Msg for Ferny:

u are nv worthless.. just do what u can do.. and try your best.. hope everything be fine.. i know what i say may not mean anything to u.. as a friend, i hope u go thru this and everything be ok =D Believe in yourself..

what he said jus now nearly bring me to tears.. coz in me i was wishing it wasn't him.. well, i know its stupid.. but nvm.. pple jus do that.. had my driving lesson in UBI today and the stupidest thing happen.. i didn't know how to see the traffic light when i was at the junction.. feel like burying my head in the ground.

a tiring day..

i wonder why i blog... and i wonder how my life is going to be.. i know what my priorities are now.. studies.. my dad's work.. and my future. very soon, i be graduating.. and mostly i be furthering my studies.. for my own future.

well, i think i am facing life in a more positive way now and i think more..

during driving lesson today, my instructor was toking to me abt humans looking older if they are always unhappy.. and he keep saying its ok if u get bully by other or taken advantage of..

i think what u think of about life is just about how u face everything in life.. no matter what happens.. life goes on.

bless u..

there is just a thin line between good or bad..

but i am not going to draw that line so soon.. there is more to come.. in terms of everythng.. what i saw.. and what i read.. it proves a lot.. but i am more interested in the reaction i will see.. maybe i get a higer grade flying license soon... u people may not know what is that.. that is a license famous for putting people on aeroplanes.. haha.. i jus learnt that.. from someone and this someone maybe the one that will make me earn my license.. why.. haha.. coz..

nvm.. i see the results.. tml.. gonna be a busy day.. a jerk? bastard? or mr nice guy? so far the mr nice guy image have been smugde with ink across the face.. well, actually i don't realli remember his looks.. coz he is not damn yandao..maybe cute enuff to look but not remember. shall think what i am going to have for tml lunch after i puke everything on his face.. miss the Ikea restaurant so soon... my god.. im like a pig.. but i simply enjoy the pig lifestyle now.. eat, slp, laze ard, no workups..

asking me to go pulau ubin early in the morning.. i almost slam my pone on his face.. tis few days, it simply piss me off when i'm still in my lala land and calls keep coming in and msg keep waking me up.. best thing is.. my pone is going to spoil.. haha.. maybe i shouldn't take a hp.. save money and trouble.. good idea heh?

recently have been busying with whatever stuff dad throw at me.. my holidays leh.. but i'm like working.. poor thing le.. i do stuff like lecturing, cleaning and scolding.. and of course shopping abit.. i'm very lack of slp recently and my giddy spells came back.. school is starting soon.. is it good or bad.. maybe its good afterall.. i'm just me.. yawnz...

PROBLEMS i face nowadays:

shld i cut my hair... shorter..
what this means.. the english is too chim for me..
jerks.. haha
a priest preaching... amen
and loads of work at home and school.. work work work
learning the use of cashbox and believe it a not.. i need to know how to program it within 2 days..

true or not? i don't know if i should believe what i heard or what i see.. maybe i need more time to realize what is realli going on and how i shld react to it before i make any decisions.

Just read Xiaxue's blog and felt kinda pity for her.. though the first thought i had when i read her blog was that she is just another self-obsessed human but though her blog was farnie and entertaining enough.. she has her helpless side too.. conclusion is no matter how mean she is.. or how cocky she can be.. she is still a human with feelings.. well, the SPG stuff and her has taken a toll in her i guess and reading what pple mail to her.. i was like.. tis pple are so mean also.. beauty, good english and money are just value-added asset that humans can have. So why are everyone making a big fuss over it.. criticizing looks and blah blah blah.. can't u pple feel abit.. forget it.. i jus felt.. that.. they shouldn't be so mean despite everything that has happen.

went to IKEA alone today, to get some of the stuff for my room.. too many beautiful things that attract me but couldn't get it all.. so i just get all the cheap and nice stuff.. i shall post the pic later.. and model is my younger brother.. wahaha... reach there walk awhile then Jia came and get the hardisk from me.. and in the end she walk with me.. haha.. went to the IKEA restaurant and had my breakfast cum lunch.. the food was nt expensive and nice.. i love it.. though quite a lot of people.. haha.. but we manage to find a place to accommodate the two of us.. had not a very full meal.. but still ok la.. den continue to get my stuff downstairs.. and we ate again.. the hotdog bread.. haha.. i'm such a pig.. this is what Jia say la.. den we went to Queensway coz i have to acc Jia to wait for her boi boi.. haha.. poor me ah.. lolx.. we walk walk and walk.. Jia also bought quite a lot of stuff.. haha.. i bought another pair of earrings.. 3+ only.. wahaha.. and nuttin else le.. budget le.. so happy to get those cheap and nice stuff.. then, we were both so tired.. walk back to the IKEA restaurant and wait for Mingji to come and fetch Jia and me.. Thanks so much for driving me home coz he knows i don't feel well.. thank u both.. haha..

so damn tired and giddy but manage to get my stuff.. still got a mirror and a floor mat that i am considering.. shall see how.. was afraid that when sch reopen i got no time to get those stuff le.. things are piling up on my desk.. haha.. gotto start work.. if not aunt and dad will nag me. My new favorite place to eat.. IKEA restaurant. waaha.. shall go there often and try everything out.. wahaha..

here it goes:

my 3.90 earrings...


a vase i bought for my room... 2.50


toilet brush.. haha.. 1.95


light bulb for the lamp i bought.. 15.9


my bedside table lamp.. 9.9


photo frame.. 3.0


enjoy...

great bargains.. im hungry again.. bb

Your Marriage
How will you choose your Mr Right?
You will make the most of being able to shop around for Mr Right. You love your freedom and will have a lot of fun learning about what sort of man you like. When you do find the guy for you, nobody will be able to keep you away from the church.

Who will be your future Mr Right?
Your real-life hero will be manly. He'll be dependable, even financially. He will protect you and always respect your feelings. He'll probably be quite a bit older than you.

When will you get married?
You will be very determined and thorough in choosing a spouse. You'll study every detail about your man before saying yes to a life of love. You will eventually make a good choice, but you'd better be sure that he's willing to wait that long.

What sort of wife will you be?
If your hubby is crazy enough to ask you to do silly things, you may as well have fun with him. You'll make a fun-loving wife.

Will you and your husband have a good time together?
You and your spouse will choose to spend time on more romantic activities. You won't end up quite as healthy, but you'll have plenty of fun going out for drinks, watching concerts or playing cards at home with other friends.

What will your children be like?
Your kids will be quiet and won't give you a hard time - they'll be a joy to have around. However, you should teach them to be stronger and more confident in themselves. Otherwise they might grow up to be losers.

How loyal are you?
You get along very well with most guys. Sometimes your friendliness misleads others to think that you're a bit of a flirt, but actually you've got a loyal heart. You'll never have eyes for anyone except your beloved husband.

_______________________________________________________

Your Hidden Talent
Here is the analysis:
The Mass CommunicatorYou have a cheerful personality and you are a naturally kind person. Your hidden talent isn't really that hidden at all: you shine among a crowd. You would make an ideal news announcer, flight attendant or model - any position that would give you an opportunity to deal with plenty of people. A tip for you is to avoid getting too deeply involved in others' personal lives - otherwise you might find yourself constantly being asked for help.

_______________________________________________________

Emotion Test
Here is the analysis:
Your emotional controlled rate: 40%You know how to let your emotions show but you still find it difficult to do so as often as you should. You should be prepared to let your emotions out more often. When you feel sad let yourself cry, when you feel angry, let your anger show and when you feel happy allow a smile to cross your face.
Allowing your emotions out in this way will do wonders to your physical and mental health.

_______________________________________________________

Psychological Test
Here is the analysis:
You have a complicated personality.
How ambitious you are depends on the height that you answered, which is: peak.
You try to please everyone, the size of this personality as seen by others is big.
Glass means fragile personality.
You are also superior and impressive.
You are not an opportunist.
Your best friend is the one you need when you are in trouble.

______________________________________________________

What kind of person are you?
Here is the analysis:
You are a very charming person. The sexy charm that you posses attracts others' attention and gains you much popularity. Most people like the way you look.
You are advised not to believe too much of people's sweet and honeyed words and phrases. It is suggested that you show more of your talents and intelligence, so that people will have a good impression of you not only because of your outward appearance but because you have a good character.

______________________________________________________

Love Test
Here is the analysis:
When it comes to love, you take your time and do not fall in love easily.
You give 50% to your relationship and expect to receive 50% in return.
If there is a problem in your relationship, you are able to confront it in an optimistic way and full of hope. You want to work it out right away, all by yourself.
You don't expect or need to see your loved one very often, seeing them just once in a while is okay.
You accept your loved one the way they are. You don't expect him or her to change for you.
When you love someone, you tend to stay in love for a long time.

my heart ache so much..

my mind could face up everything that might happen.. everything.. but not my heart..

i felt so useless.. realli so damn useless... why can't i used my determination to ask you questions and stuff that i want to know to let go.. why..

all i felt was.. if someone who i trust and love so much.. could be like that... then, who else in this world could i trust.. or even love.. if everyone jus want to protect themself.. care abt themself.. won't this world be so cold bloody..

i always treat pple i care for.. and love with all my heart.. i give everything i could.. but all i felt now was.. so what if we were once so in love.. ya so wat.. the feelings are just so wat.. my feelings were true, real, and not just for that period of time.. not the kind of feelings being pull out with tender loving touch or care... that is available at the period.. it is feelings built... up thru everything.. a feeling that grow.. it can be hurt.. can be.. grow.. but not destroy.. what destroyed is the hope.. in me..

i felt this world so cold.. i felt that maybe there is only my family and some frens whom i can trust.. or rely on.. and who else in this world can i trust.. won't people have to be so cautious of everyone else.. if its realli lidat.. won't life be so tiring.. u have to guess what someone is really thinking in order t protect yourself.. i hate life like that.. won't it be better if people just speak their mind.. no guessing.. no playing mind games.. its much more comfortable then reading or guessing mind..

but the truth is that.. this world is no longer that beautiful.. maybe to me.. or it has nv been beautiful.. just that my sheltered life.. make it beautiful.. pple say.. ya ur family rich ma.. can blah blah blah.. so what.. i'm nt happy... for the big part of my life, i'm nt happy.. since young.. someone who dote on me left me.. i cry for nights in loneliness.. only i know.. i have nv been close to my family.. who cares.. just when i felt that.. i got something that makes my life so perfect.. someone close and someone to share with me.. my mental pillar.. but its just a pillar tht stays for awhile.. i realise that.. nothing much in this world i can depend on.. since young.. i hate pple saying u rich ma.. i hate it.. coz i nv wanted to depend on my dad.. that is why i study harder.. i even told myself.. i'm nt gonna be like sis and bro to depend on dad on their future.. but who knows.. my pillar gone forever.. someone who i run to whenever i am unhappy and pour my worries.. to.. someone who i felt closer to me den my family.. coz he who understand me the best... knows what i need.. he only guide and advice me.. its all i need.. and of course love.. when tis pillar is gone.. i felt loneliness.. extreme loneliness.. and i realise.. i couldn't depend on anyone anymore.. but just myself.. it seems to be that life is just me and myself.. there is nothing or even no one i can depend on..

i wanted so much to be stronger.. but my determination isn't strong enough.. not more than the love i had.. i shan't think or ponder about anything again... never.. i have disappoint dad.. i know he loves me.. i know my friends are worried.. and i'm gonna be a strong gal.. i jus depend on myself.. and only myself.. i won't let fate play me dead.. neither would i lead myself to self destruction.. i'm gonna live with what i had.. an treasure everything.. and discover the bright side of everything.. bless~

Your view on yourself:
You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.
The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.
Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.
The seriousness of your love:
You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.
Your views on education:
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.
The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.
How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.
What are you most afraid of:
You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.
Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

The Real You....

Here is the analysis:
1. You've got great self-confidence and you're full of charm. Most guys who get to know you will be attracted to you. You are far from sweet and proper; your intriguing personality fascinates them. Most guys find it easy to fall for a girl like you.

2. You really care about other people's feelings and are quite serious about the issues that affect your life. You are sincere, and your concern for the well-being of others makes many people want to be your friend.

3. You strictly follow rules, and you expect other people to be the same as well. People can get tired of you easily, as you can make them feel a little guilty about themselves. You always make decisions on your own, and can be dismissive of other people's advice. You like to be the leader in groups, but can forget to be concerned about the people you are with.

4. Your peers think of you as a fun person, but sometimes you can be a little irresponsible. You can be somewhat childish, and can try to ignore the fact that you will one day need to really grow up and be a mature adult! Perhaps you could start reading good books; they might help you look at the world in a different light. You do want to be taken seriously, right?

5. Your boyfriend believes that you are a strong and independent person. Your confidence and cheerfulness make you an attractive person to be around, but sometimes you need to pay more attention to what other people, including your boyfriend, are thinking.

This is one of the love story that i had always want him to read..
I'm realli in love.. but both must love for love to exist.

One fine day, an old couple around the age of 70, walks into a lawyer's office.

Apparently, they are there to file a divorce.

Lawyer was very puzzled, after having a chat with them, he got their story....

This couple had been quarreling all their 40 over yrs of marriage nothing ever seems to go right.

They hang on coz of their children, afraid that it might affect their up-bringing.Now, all their children have already grown up, have their own family, there's nothing else the old couple have to worry about, all they wanted is to lead their own life free from all these yrs of unhappiness from their marriage, so both agree on a divorce....

Lawyer was having a hard time trying to get the papers done, coz he felt that after 40 yrs of marriage at the age of 70, he couldnt understand why the old couple would still wants a divorce..

while they were signing the papers, the wife told the husband..

"I really love u, but i really cant carry on anymore,i'm sorry.."

"its o.k, i understand.." said the husband. Lookin at this, the lawyer suggested a dinner together, just 3 of them,wife thought, why not, since they are still gonna be friends..

At the dining table, there was a silence of awkardness.

The first dish was roasted chicken, immediately, the old man took the drumstick for the old lady.."take this, its your favourite..

"looking at this, the lawyer tot maybe theres still a chance, but the wife was frowning when she answer..

"this is always the problem, u always think so highly of urself, never tot abt how i feel, dun u know tat i hate drumsticks?"

Little did she know tat, over the yrs, the husband have been trying all ways to please her,little did she know tat drumsticks was the husband's favourite.Little did he know tat she never tot he understand her at all,little did he know tat she hates drummsticks even thou all he wants is the best for her.

That night, both of them couldnt sleep, toss and turn, toss and turn...after hours, the old man couldnt take it anymore, he knows that he still loves her, and he cant carry on life without her, he wants her back, he wants to tell her, he is sorry, he wanted to tell her "i love u"...

He picks up the phone, starting dialing her number....ringing never stops..he never stop dialing....

On the other side, she was sad, she couldn’t understand how come after all these yrs, he still doesnt understand her at all, she loves him a lot, but she just cant take it anymore....phone's ringing, she refuses to answer knowing tat its him..."whats the point of talking now tat its over...i have ask for it and now i wanna keep it this way, if not i will lose face.."she thought...still ringing...she have decided to pull out the cord...

Little did she remember, he have heart problems...

The next day, she received news that he had passed away...she rushed down to his apartment, saw his body, lying on the couch still holding on to the phone...he had a heart attack when he was still trying to get thru her phone line....

As sad as she could be...she will have to clear his belongings...when she was looking thru the drawers, she saw this insurance policy, dated from the day they got married, beneficiary of coz its her...together in tat file theres this note...

"to my dearest wife, by the time u r reading this, i'm sure i'm no longer around, i bought this policy for u, thou the amount is only $100k, i hope it will be able to help me cont my promise tat i have made when we got married, i might not be around anymore, i want this amount of money to cont taking care of u, just like the way i will if i could have live longer. i wan u to know i will always be around, by your side...i love u"

Tears flowed like river......"When u love someone, let them know... u never know what will happen the next min....learn to build a life together.. learn to love each other. for who they are.. not what they r..."

its time for me to be alone..

i hate the feeling of accusation..

i bottle up every unhappiness i had..

fug up.. bad day... sux..

on holidays...

im kinda stressed up by my fyp layout.. when this get right.. that is wrong.. whao.. its nt gonna finish so soon.. well, its been days since i update my blog.. time flies.. looking at my sis, the baby is growing well.. and i'm still getting on my same old days.. but well, i'm able to look at things so differently now..

i knew i had changed a lot after what happen.. i used to be so naive.. i mean everything in my world seems so perfect and nice.. having the mindset that as long as things are said out.. everything will go on fine.. as at least people around me know what's wrong with me and at least they know how to counter or react to my problems but no.. the world isn't just so simple and nice.. at least u know u are the one that let me realise that this is the real world.. not the real perfect world.. people change, feelings change.. everything is possible.. one moment.. i maybe telling u that o.. i love u the most but who knows what will happen next.. what sis is now is also what my bro-in-law had done.. that cause her to be much wiser and smarter i guess and somehow i felt that i become like my sis.. i could think better and protect myself more.. its what u make me into becoming.. or rather what has happen and all the things i done or heard..

well, now i have a very vague memory of everything.. i guess.. i am not going to find out what somethings realli are.. its tiring.. i hate to play mindgames and i hate to guess.. if for my whole life, i'm going to try to guess or find out what others is thinking.. it be so tiring.. maybe under some circumstances.. but not with my soulmate.. or my best buddies.. life would be in a darkness then. since i'm moving, it be good to clear up my stuff.. i explain enough.. said enough.. cry enough.. hurt enough.. all the words.. i remember very clearly.. hurting and devastating.. but surprisingly, its from u.. all this jus make me give up easier.. and its what u always ask for. i may still be afraid to see u with someone else infront of me.. but one day i will not anymore coz the feeling is growing thinner everyday.. i'm not yet cold-blooded.. hahs..

my driivng lessons have been a great fun maybe for me but not my instructor.. i could have get him an heart attack.. haha.. even my sis told me that the best way to get over a relationship is getting a new guy.... idea ah.. lol.. i'm still considering.. my sis advice.. but i'm gonna gain weight.. and get myself back.

i seen, i learnt, i love, i hate, i forget, i forgive, i stop, i grow stronger, i grow up.. bless u people with love.. happy holidays..

You Will Die at Age 61

61 You're pretty average when it comes to how you live... And how you'll die as well.

What Age Will You Die?