i'm sorry~

i know nothing is going to be easy...

i waited and waited...

i don't ask for wealth or a luxury life..

just a simple and happy life...

stop all this pranks and jokes on me..

i just want to spend my life with someone i love... happily...

that's not asking for too much..

could i say its a wonderful day...

maybe not... but still alright...
mm.. was feeling very tired... and keep having headaches nowadays. having econs UT today but was kinda slacking it, dunno why... so nv really study much. During the test, Chenghui was typing so fast that it stress me so much. just hearing the typing sound makes me so gan cheong and slower the pace that i type. lol... nearly can't do my test. after test, was feeling quite low coz of some matter.. oh ya.. i remember, the same old matter.. i know it bothers me much though i am trying not to.. well, but sometimes just felt that i am restrained... or tied up from doing something so common.. its just so ridiculous when i see the way he behave when i just cling on to him... make me so piss...

but i know at last he still choose to keep quiet about it.. haix... forget it.. arghz... there is nothing i can do.

went to NTU and then to JP... caught a flu... and now, i feel like just collapsing into my bed.

i feel like shopping so damn much but the thing is that i am so damn broke. how to shop? 3 more days and i be moving... kinda sian... but its nice to have my own room...

prove it to me~

emotional breakdown...

i have been feeling real down... i wanted attention and not a bit but a lot from u... but it seems like u are asking for more attention from me.. i know i didn't treat u like before.. maybe coz i want a share of ur attention too. a type of care and concern which i could jus see and not think about it or what to know that u care.. coz only then i didn't need to think so much to know that u care.

i used to ask for a little from u... coz i didn't know what was ahead... now maybe i am asking for too much.. or i just wanted to feel loved...

actually i ask for nothing... just for someone to love me, care for me, and let me feel loved... and also let me trust... and less gals ard... i do trust but i do feel uncomfortable still... coz i felt that people do appreciate fine piece of art...

i do hope everything goes well... and in long term.

do hope my mood get better asap before anything bad happen.

i will nv be who i used to be.. no matter in my appearance or character... though i try hard to get back what he say i used to be.. but it's jus diff... after what happen, i became someone with less words, less smile and even now, i am... i jus sit, walk, shop, walk in my own world and space.. i no longer care how i realli look.. even if i care.. what i wear always look weird.. what have i become? i myself had no idea..

freaking tired~

didn't sleep well last night... coz ling went out... and i'm always like that. this morning, got a big blow but everything was alright after that.. i guess things will be better...

though sometimes i do feel tired... but i guess its the process. i realli wonder what will be the end. hopefully a nice one.

though now there is something bothering me... but i knew its not the right time to ask anything as it probably blow everything up... i guess i jus have to take it...

i realise i have always been contradicting myself when i do things. i guess pple do feel that if that guy is making a fun out of herself or jus wanted to flirt or something. I do feel this way too... but at last i console myself with something else.. even now. haix... i need sometime i guess.

would i realli get my white sandals.. hahas... =p

on the way back home... my headache got very bad... and i simply feel like fainting.. then reach my doorstep the first thing i see is a cat... my neighnour cat which is very playful... and i play with it for awhile, nowadays cat is so choosy... coz when i feed it with chicken biscuit.... it kis walk away.. :@ so i jus hack care it... while bathing, i'm thinking... of a lot of stuff.. then i came to this thinking that..

no matter how i try to keep things the way they are.. it takes two hands to clap... i shan't say anything again. honeyed words, eternal promises are nothing but craps.. it the heart that do the work and makes everything magical..

i wanna go on holiday...

i need to get some new clothes, inner beauties, a bag, and a pair of new sandals... BUT i got no money... haix... can someone jus bank me $1000...

i'm scared...

Below is something i felt quite meaningful. only the pink ones... hahas.. abit bo liao...

What Girls Want Only real men know how to treat the woman he loves. This is the sweetest thing in the world. Read, Learn, and Put into good use.

1. Tell her she is beautiful, not hot. [Yeah, it shows that you love her, not her body]
2 . Hold her hand at any moment even if it just for a second. [It shows how much you appreciate her presence]
3 . Kiss her on the forehead. [It's a loving gesture, helping her feel secure]
4 . Leave her voice messages to wake up to. [even SMS or missed-call will do... Nothing can beat waking up to the voice/message of your loved one]
5 . Always tell her how beautiful she is, no matter what she's wearing. [Again, it shows how much you treasure her]
6 . When she is upset, hold her tight and tell her how much she means to you. [sigh... need I say more?]
7 . Recognize the small things . . . THEY USUALLY MEAN THE MOST! [it's the tiny bits and pieces that count]
8 . Call her baby.
9 . Sing to her no matter how horrible your voice is.[trust me, girls love it when guys sing to them]
10 . Pick her over all the other girls you hang out with. [Yeah, and show her to them]
11 . Write her notes. [to make her feel that she's always on your mind]
12 . Introduce her to family and friends as your girlfriend. [it shows how much you want her to be a part of you]
13 . Play with her hair.
14 . Pick her up, tickle her and play- wrestle with her.
15 . Sit in the park and just talk to her. [you never know what will she say]
16 . Tell her funny jokes, tell her stupid jokes, just tell her jokes. [but make sure that it's the right time for jokes]
17 . Throw pebbles at her window in the middle of the night just because you missed her.
18 . Let her fall asleep in your arms. [sigh... heaven...]
19 . Carve your names into a tree. [for memory sake]
20 . If she's mad at you, apologize because SHE is always right.
21 . CUDDLE.
22 . Bring her flowers just because u love her. [although some girls will say that they hate flowers, but still, chances of them being touched is very, very high]
23 . Treat her the same around your friends as you do when you're alone. [this means a LOT to her, and it shows a lot about you as well]
24 . Look her in the eyes and smile. [Believe me it works..it has its own magic]
25 . Let her take as many pictures of you as she wants. [you trust her, don't you?]
26 . Slow dance with her, even if there isn't any music playing. [but don't step on her feet too often]
27 . Kiss her in the rain.
28 . If you r in love with her . . . tell her. [of course! unless, of course, she's already with someone...]
29. say u love her......
30.give her a call or sms no matter how busy you are you show that u love her (even for a few min)

I'm happy...

sudden~

it all came so sudden...

i thought what i say would kill everything but it did otherwise... after what i say

but i knew i couldn't hang on anymore...

it isn't just what love is all about...

but its all worthwhile...

on the august of 2nd, i'm moving to MP le...

now very tired... shall go to bed...

god bless us...

concussion...

my head is still painful after the knock on that faithful night... and the bump is still there... yst went for my driving lesson and then to the new national library to do the survey to get my NDA points. Well, i found it but when going home, i got lost... and walk a very very long distance to get back to Bugis.. was about to faint... coz I didn't eat anything except a packet of Milo... reach Bugis and i went to have my lunch... after that, i was too tired to even shop.. just walk ard at the food fare but didn't buy anything.. so i went home...

just about to reach the stairs, saw daddy standing there with his hand on his waist... looking at me.. and i taught i did something wrong and he is going to reprimand me.. but he just ask me want to go MP with them anot.. the first thing i thought of was... haix... i'm gonna miss him so much.. but.. if i don't go... Dad is going to nag again...

we went marine parade and i took a rest in my room.. while dad they all go for a swim.. was about to sleep... then they wanted to go out for dinner... so dinner at ROxy... i'm so tired... went to buy some stuff home and we just went home straight after that... some things happen and make me upset abit... but after that it was alright... coz he called.. hihi... i'm happy.. but.. don't think too much...

after we end the call... i just doze off... with the candlelight burning away... i'm craving for ya kun bread now... yummy~

stunt day~

went to sch for UT today... and realli wanted to say thanks to that pig for teaching me stats last night... coz if not.. i will be sitting thru my stats UT today and in the end hand up a blank paper. so thanks dude... then, after ut, i got no mood to do work at all.. haha... then ask piggy to go play pool with me... we skip class and went to cineleisure for pool.. wahaha... i won today... wahaha... so happy...ar bo he always bully me. at the pool centre, i was feeling so giddy... but manage to finish all the game. we went to eat macdonald... and then walk ard... haha.. and went back to school... but nv go for the finanace remedial.. -_-"

well, how i feel? abit upset... abit happy... some things happen and i was kinda disappointed by the ans... but i know my limits now and thus nv ask any further... i felt loved.. felt cared for... maybe this overthrown any unhappy feelings i had.. being content is what makes one happy, isn't it? i ask myself... how long can i go on like this...

something very meaningful...

I could say, I could never live without u... but if one day, U had to leave before I did. I would be happy as I did walk thru the very last part of ur life.. with u.

its not one thousand reason of why i wanted u to be my bf but why i want to be with u forever...

its because i love u, a feeling that no words can describe, a feeling that makes me put down all my pride and whatever that is inside me. Its the only reason that i know no matter what happen, i be with u... till my very last breath.

i know i'm gonna get something from dad tonight... nothing good..

god bless u... with love health and happiness..

my confirmation letter of status?

is that a confirmation of my status to tell me.. yes u are free to go out with any other guys and even date with them... is that? i realli dunno... maybe it is... i don't like to spite him... but i am just so angry sometimes...

my driving lesson was very smooth today... and my instructor say i am good... happy... didn't go IKEA today as i meet him for a session of pool... and my skill did improve a bit... i guess just a few more games and i be better...

i think i change my IKEA trip to friday.. maybe shall ask dad to go over to mp for the weekends again... i need to relax...

tml having my stats UT.. sianz... i hate stats but still have to study...

i've been happy... these days... at least happier than before... i treasure it... but do my happiness last... its another question...

smile like u nv do...

its damn dramatic...

let me recall, a lot of things happen today but i learnt two things... realli wanted to apologise to my classmates for shouting like a madwoman... i really lost cool, in the sense that i am in a loss of what to do and thus i did a stupid thing... well, i usually care a lot about how pple look at me but i just simply don't nowadays...

i'm sorry to those who are present at that time... realli sorry...

then when everything is alright... it appear that we didn't do our FYP coz KuanLiang nv come.. then, just rot there awhile and me and him went to shop for his clothes with his Club 21 voucher.. he bought a AX bermuda that i felt he like it very much.. and it looks good on him also... we walk here and there just to get something he like it very much... i saw a very nice top in that shop... but nv take a closer look la.. ahah... my hand is swollen =( pain...

then, after buying his clothes... finally can go and eat.. ate KFC.. and i saw frog... haha.. i don't think he recognise me... we went for a pool game at Cineleisure... my pool just sux to the core now.. i can't hit any angle... can't even shoot a nice straight ball well.. so sad... low morale after the game...

took train home... and my mum didn't cook... sianz.. tml going to IKEA and then my new home... tired... thurs having test... even more sian... nitez...

Go

Its 2.09a.m now, I’m sitting on my bed… can’t really get to sleep coz I miss him so much… just simply miss him… how I hope we could simply jus hold hand and stroll. I miss those days, but its in the past.

I brought our things over here and keep it inside my cupboard. Everything kept in the Mezza chocolate box… even the one dollar note… I wonder if one day, when I’m so damn poor, will I use it? Sometimes, I will just look thru it over and over again just coz I miss him.

Had a long chat with him just now and find that he is petty too nowadays =p as petty as me but its okay for me to be petty coz I’m a gal... whaaha… my room is getting quite cold and its most likely that I wake u with a running nose tml.. I simply love my room…

Had a talk with Dad just now, and we talk about a lot of things. I realize it’s been a long time since I really take a good look at him. Dad has aged quite a lot. More white hair, more wrinkles, even his arms start to look saggy. It makes me sad to see this but this is life. Yst on bus, I was thinking. If one day, I became fat, ugly and old… would those people that say they love me still love me as much. I don’t think so… coz people are too realistic nowadays. I just know I still love Dad when he is old and also love him. For example, on the first day of school, I saw him with the new spects and I was shocked and at the very moment, I didn’t like it. I simply felt that the spects don’t suit him and give him the wanna get beat up face but I still love him… no matter how much I didn’t like that spect and I have never grumble anything about his physical appearance. I may comment but not ask him to do anything he didn’t like.

Just watch the show, my dream girl… quite farnie and touching show. Good nite.. sweet dreams.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Another tired yet sleepless night... I’m scared, just simply scared… I’m not gonna say what makes me sad… but what happen tonight do upsets me a bit… what u do in the past doesn’t mean u will do now.. Situations are different. I’m reminding myself… something I haven’t done in weeks but I should before I fall too deep. U once told me, when someone doesn’t love u the way u want them to, it doesn’t mean they don’t love u with all they have.

Well, another thing that upsets me today is we spend about $700 at IKEA… I felt the pinch for Dad… so angry with my bro and mum… only know how to waste money. Just coz Dad is there, they bought so much unnecessary stuff... strawberry flavor candles… sick right… arghz… I’m gonna work and lighten Dad’s burden, they are simply too much… fuck…

After IKEA walk, they played mahjong and I rot… had a photo-taking session…. I show u what I did for the last two days…

Steamboat session at Roxy…




What I did on Saturday night… find this toothpaste too cute…


Show u my dining table... notice 3 chairs disappear… continue reading…


Its here… the gamblers…


New big cushion for the sofa… bright red…

New pot plant after the $4 die le... wahaha


My room almost complete… plain yeah…

My photo-taking session…



Relax me~


There is something inside this photo… guess what??

night out...

having a headache, maybe coz i didn't slp well last night.. i feel very unsettled.. dunno why.. people often said that woman sixth sense is very accurate. Like that time, when i felt unsettled the whole day, my mind and heart keep telling me that he went out with a girl and true enough.. it is.. now, i am having this unsettled feeling and it is far worse than what happen that time. I hope its false alarm. i realli don't hope anything bad to happen.

is it the way he talk to me that makes me feel this way or am i being too sensitive? it often seems that i think alot and what i think is always wrong.. hope i'm wrong.. i should trust him right.. but who am i to say trust with him when i am just a friend. i don't get any words like i love u which sounds more like an assurance to me. well, i don't get all this and neither can i ask for this. i trust him in my own accord.. whatever happens.. its my own business. i'm going to mp later.. for the night.. haix.. going to be bored.. no tv.. i shall bring my lappy over.. i miss him so much.. so much.. but he always nv msg me himself nor call me automatically.. i noe he doesn't have to but haix.. i do miss him alot at times.. haix.. i guess i do the job.. hope that he will call me himself tonight.. coz there is no other way to contact me except on my phone.

last night was having difficulty in sleeping.. my heart keep pumping fast and i had difficulty in breathing.. i think my blood pressure is getting real low thus causing all this symptons. that day, he took my height and weight in school for me.. and my height is 1.58m and my weight weighs 38.8kg.. i grow thinner again.. wonder why coz i have beene ating quite a lot recently. Maybe i just didn't slp well enough. i measure his height and weight too... but he was kinda too tall for me to measure for him and so he do it himself.. so pai seh..we behave like two idiots there and that pig put so many things in his pocket until his weight is over 70kg.. without those stuff he weight 68 i think.. he is so cute.. haha..

sometimes i felt realli stupid.. why am i so slow in doing things.. arghz.. piss with myself.. i feel so tired.. and i miss him so much so much so much.. omg.. i'm going crazy.. relax.. i will wait.. for his call, or msg or for him.. alright.. i update again.. miss u..

pple find me stupid to wait for someone like tat but i don't want to have any regrets in my life.. coz people who know me well, know that for my personality, i would never do something like that unless i am serious and true. Jia you..

weekends coming again...

jus reach home and had my dinner before i sat down here and start typing about my day... after the somehow arguement last night.. we were fine last night.. its my fault but he was kinda over reacted i thinking.. making me felt that he care for her so much.. but after what i say and what he ans.. i'm fine.. settled. At first, i didn't dare to talk to him coz his face was kinda "black".

the day was slacking again.. something else upsets me then. which is kinda stupid but i realli hope when i trust someone, they don't lie to me even if its the smallest matter. even having $10 bucks or $4 bucks in the wallet.. nvm.. it maybe okay if its a small matter but if its a big one.. things will be very different.. in one word, i jus hate pple lying to me.. i don't know.. but somehow i felt it shows how much he love me.. but its unfair to judge it ths way.. at least he did say he see what he can get for me outside. dunnoes.. i'm starting to think too much..

i notice that he raise his voice at me over the slightest thing which kinda make me feel pissed sometimes.. but its him.. i mean i love him for who he is though sometimes i'm realli unhappy coz its realli the slightest thing.. and he always take his time to reply my msg or pick up my calls.. its either no reply or no pick up.. i used to get realli disappointed or affected by what happen but not anymore.. maybe i'm used to it already but i still hate it. well, i guess there is nothing i can do..

above are just my grumblings..

last night, melvin msg me and i didn't reply.. and ron called me and i didn't pick up.. haha.. i'm getting better at this type of things.. and i'm craving for IKEA food and also coffee now... i need to relax a bit. nowadays, i hate weekends, coz i dont get to see him and i miss him like crazy and yet again.. i can't do anything..

I'm trying to control myself. Even now i am close to him, but i didn't know what will happen in the next few days, weeks or months.. i didn't want myself to rely in him... nor do i want to assume that he love me unless he realli shows it.. or tell me.. coz i'm stupid and slow.. he is nice to any girls.. polite an dfriendly not flirt.. so maybe i am just a friend. i have to make sure that one day even without him, i won't fall again.

but i still don't deny, i love him for so long.. so long.. the longest so far in my life, and he is also the one i realli love.

i get confused, i get vexed, but what i could do is only wait..

am i waiting for rain in a drought or am i going thru thr process of the pain where happiness is the destination?

another thing is that.. i have got a very strong feeling that there is something very wrong with her.. very wrong.. am i too sensitive.. i shall see what happen next...

i was upset.. i felt he care for her like he care for me as a good friend. all he talk about during the conversation was her, no mention about the other two girls. maybe i am tired.. tired of quarrelling over coz of the gals. but what can i do?

so what~

its like waiting for rain in a drought... how long can I survive in this drought?

trust... loyalty

its all up to me...

i'm upset, don't wish to say anything more.. some pics to show u guys..

living room~


balcony chairs...


flowers m dad bought for 4 dollars


the whole stretch of balcony...


messy kitchen...


my room window...


the shower...


the big piece of mirror...


my sofa bed...


night view from the balcony...



me resting at the balcony...

tired & sleepy~

i start this posting right from the start of my day... walked to the bustop.. and was feeling low.. due to what happen last night.. and this Malay guy here working in the 7-11 smile to me.. well, i always see him and he give me a real bright smile instead of the faint smile he always give me.. it somehow make me feel better. Then, surprisingly.. my phone jus vibrate for awhile and nothing.. i saw this name and i am kinda shocked.. and i just brush it off with a maybe he put his phone in his pocket and accidentally pressed it.. but then, it rang.. and its a long one.. and after this call.. i felt a whole lot better..

reach class.. took my UT which was quite ok but i guess.. i score average only.. my stats UT i got a C.. which was quite good coz i kinda expect to flunk it. Lesson, was slacking and pissing off.. coz of that stupid *Fried Duck.. well, maybe misunderstandings ba.. but everything was fine after that.. *glad..

after school went to the movie thingy with *Fried duck.. i know that actually he didn't want to go when he throw me so many stuff about why.. i go also no use.. but in the end.. he accompany me for the movie which is about 2 hrs.. but i have to do the report for him.. *faint.. but i appreciate that he accompany me.. thanks.. we kinda picnic during the movie.. so paiseh.. haha.. he bought lor mai gai.. as a apology for what he did.. but.. that's not counted.. wahaha.. i want something else.. *i don't care.. hihi..

now, i learnt to appreciate his heck care.. its realli a unique thing manz.. be it that i think too much or what.. but i realli felt so.. his care.. is though he is fierce and not being nice.. he care.. and its truly care.. and his way of showing it.. i'm learning to appreciate everything one by one.

sometimes i realli wonder what i mean to him.. what's the definition of good friends.. i miss the 132, that day, and i told a lie.. saying there is a lot of pple in it so i nv board but actually i wanted to see him for a longer period.. actually not a lie but it plays a small part in that everything.. that bus got quite a lot of pple and also banglah.. so that's also what makes me not board it. Everytime he go, he will nv look back... though i always stood there but nv once he look back.. i wonder why.. maybe coz he nv can't bear to leave me before. So everytime, i jus wait till he walk out of sight and then i turn and go.. sounds pathetic..

at the bustop, i jus felt like crying.. in fact, i jus drop a tear or two and shut up.. the word good frens keep ringing in my mind. Good friends have never been what i want between us but i guess this is the only way i can be there for u and at the same time stay with u.. other things is still up to u.. i take it.. no matter what's lying infront of me.. as long as nothing bad happens its fine.. jus be contented..

a sms or a phone call always upsets me.. why? conclusion is.. i don't know where am i in your heart.. maybe not even a place.. i'm afriad that someone will take that place.. fears..

i think i should take things easy.. and relax.. jus treasure every moment.

huan lo... huan lo.. huan lo.. okies.. i don't want to run away from anything.. anymore.. and i ain't afraid of letting people know i truly love u and care for u.. be it that people laugh at me or call me stupid.. or this is what i get, the pain and misery that i bought upon myself.. so be it.. coz i know.. it isn't easy to find someone who i will love wholeheartedly. God bless me...

tml.. my new hse furniture wil be coming.. including my bed.. whaa.. so happy.. gonna.. move soon.. and take mrt to sch.. know what am i thinking.. wahahaha.. *shhh... nite people..

God bless u..

it crack...

its a wonderful or not sunday.. i dunnoes.. all i know is.. i don't know what i should do.. maybe i shall think about it... tonight?

i'm glad and i'm unhappy.. what to say.. it have been enjoyable.. i have been happy but in the end it seems to turn.. to somewhere unknown..

is everything to end in a state coz u didn't want to think.. is it all that i am worth to u.. jus a don't think and let the feelings go.. if it is.. i will be heartbroken.. maybe it didn't matter to u i don't know.. or what i felt is jus illusions..

i'm not in the mood to do anything.. but jus felt physically tired..

what tired me out is actually acting like i don't care or trying not to care when i realli do.. i'm not going to act anymore.. coz its far more tiring than anything else..

i neglected dad this days.. i know he is upset.. coz factory is going to close down le.. after he work there for 26 years.. he must have the "she bu de"...

alright.. i want to eat the apple from taka.. coated wit chocolate.. omg.. *drooling.. but it cost $4.50.. i only got 10 bucks tml.. =(

its sat...

went for my driving lesson and today, my car didn't stalled at all.. hahas.. so happy and i was quite zai on the road.. maybe i'm feeling relaxed ba.. and more alert.

then, after that. i was feeling damn hungry.. went Singapore post to buy a hotdog crepe and wait for sis to come and fetch me... went to Paragon Hollywood secrets and the girls there jus got attitude problem.. so sis and i decided not to have our eyebrow plucked.. haha.. the people called and called.. we make an appointment and have to wait for 30 mins.. then why make appointment.. well, though they got their problems also but the girl wasn't very good when she speak to us.

then, sis and i went to lucky plaza to eat the duck noodle.. shop ard.. went to the Taka food fair... bought my fav tea eggs and a sausage prata.. haha.. yummy~ till about 6+.. quite a long day.. tired now..

i always realise something after thinking for a few days.. what i realise this morning..

- okies, i have been asking him silly questions these days.. but frankly, what i expect him to ans me.. i really don't know.. so i guess, i'm just making him feel even more uncomfortable.. what matters most is not questions and answers.. but feelings..

- i felt silly staring back at her.. coz i was thinking.. i'm not an ah lian or something.. if she is a slut or ah lian or wants to show off her bf or wants to show me that she got her bf to protect her.. that's her bloody business.. and that concludes i did it out of anger.. shall try to curb my temper more.. another reason is.. i'm recently always bullied by ladies or girls with bf.. coz they think they are big fuck.. but have u ever wonder.. u are endangering the life of ur bf.. coz u will not noe what kind of person u are offending.. so be careful that his dick gets snap off accidentally.. well, the whole thing is just stupid.. but what offended me is she push my pregnant sis.. though i don't know if its a misunderstanding but well, her face jus didn't show me anything nice.*pissed

i know what i am dong and what i am thinking..

with no regrets..

though i feel hurt at times..

but i know.. i can take it..

een if the world is going to fall on me..

i will stand still...

what happen doesn't mean anything.. and it doesn't prove anything.. its nothing at all.

all i need, is a heart of care and concern.. and an emotional rush of feelings between both of us..

This is me...

it has been so long since i realli smile coz i'm happy.. so long..

well, have been slacking and crapping and laffing for the whole day in school today.. lesson was slack... slack and slack.. but we manage to smoke thru again.. i realli wonder how long can we go on like this..

after school, play cs till about 6+ with oink oink.. then went home.. was feeling so tired.. and sleep the whole hourney back home.. Sis called me and recommend me some job.. shall called and ask tomorrow but the working time is till quite late and somemore not very near to my house.. i'm totally broke.. so gotto work..

driving lesson again tml.. then going out with sis.. yawnz.. my back is aching.. and i'm always feeling hungry.. my god.. people say my face abit more chubby le.. hope so.. whahaa..

i am contented.. am i? i shall be..

bless u.. with lots of love and happiness..

am i afraid of getting hurt or i don't believe in love anymore???

i didn't know which am i?

i pull myself back to reality today.. and i'm glad i did.. or maybe i am...

i don't know but i had to do it.. its right that everything is within his control and not mine..

there is nothing i can do except taking things easy.. so just toss it behind and walk ahead..

after school today, do our FYP and sad to say, nuttin much was done, coz we were all tired and kinda down. after that, dia, darren, marc and i went lucky plaza to eat and wait for zw.. we walked ard for awhile and went home coz iw as exhausted.. i got the missha mirror.. thanks to marc.. lol.. got some dirty jokes there.. =X

another thing, i become a sales promotor in missha.. haha.. pro le.. yawnz.. tats abt all.. i'm tired.. bb..

dreams~

my happiness don't last.. maybe i realli don't deserve any...

why am i always dreaming of something so impossible.. i choose to believe that fairytales don't exist anymore..and i face reality but still.. things aren't as good as i though it would be..

it is jus for the time being.. no hopes.. no dreams.. only myself..

there isn't a need for me to stay or to care.. and i don't see my existance anymore.. it jus don't seems impt.. don't see the need..

once bitten, twice shy..

this is human's nature yeah...

thought of something when i saw a big red ant in the sink when i was eating lychee last night..

remember when i am young, there was once when bro is bringing me to school.. i was sitting on the bench near a big tree waiting for him. Without realising that many big red ants is climbing on my leg.. when bro came, he saw it and he use the umbrella to sweep it away.. at that time, i wasn't afraid of the pain that he cause using the umbrella to sweep my leg.. but i was afraid of the pain that the ants will caused if they bite me.. now looking at the big red ants, compare to the smaller size one that i see at home normally.. i become so used to seeing the big ones instead.. and i wont get frighten by the big ants.. this is human nature.. right? they jus have o get used to things..

one day, i will.. its jus a matter of time..

now, sitting in class.. frank ng speaking like a train... as usual.. everyone doing their own work except for a few listening to him.. with music blasting on my ear, coz the others are just too noisy.. and i wanted to be alone.. i need to think and i need peace.. have no clue in what i shld do today.. jus banging my fingers on the keyboard and keeping myself calm..

i do what i like.. speak what i think.. coz i know.. i can't afford to lose someone i love coz of my pride, integrity or principles.. and neither can i afford to lose him coz i like to play mind games.. coz i know love can't be afford to play mind games. i didn't want to lose anything thru these.. coz i know its not worth it..

off day...

wake up at 2p.m today.. then was lazing at my sofa.. watching monster-in-law.. quite a nice show.. finally watch it.. then went to J8 and get marc's lappy.. from that pig.. walk awhile and i bought my dinner.. have been having a bad headache.. for the whole day...

have the urge to go to Jurong birdpark.. haha.. but don't think anyone want to go with me.. coz its kinda bo liao la.. but i never go before.. shall find one time and go.. hihi.. after my bro told me about the penguins.. i have been dying to go there.. wahaha...

life has been better.. hope it stay this way..

i think i should sleep early again tonight..

questions questions and questions

i don't know if i am right in doing all this. i just know when i heard what he say... my tears wanted to fall but i kept it back.. tight and sealed. i jus know by doing this makes me happy. I don't know what it makes him feel...

i don't know if i am thinking too much about what happen between him and Steph but i jus know all i felt was he was like trying to change the sub when i talk about it.. then, i told myself.. so what if they really had something going on.. so what if u realli ask and he realli say something. it may not be truth and if he realli want u to know. he will tell u on his own.. so why u bother to ask so much.. well, humans are weird creatures.

tonight i'm damn tired.. gonna spend my day at home tml.. relax and do my own stuff.. im currently so in love with this Jay's song- Qinghua.. its nice.. happy for jia coz her darling is back and she doesn't have to spend lonely days and sleepless nite alone again.. i think i'm going to bed..

i don't want something that don't belong to me.. so if you are going to take it away.. pls do it soon.. and fast..

went out quite late today to acc jia.. coz she was so upset...

den when i reach Ikea, her face was like i owe her something for the last 10 years.. =x

then, ate our dinner there.. and i ate.. 5 meatballs, a salmon meal and a cheesecake...

wahaha.. pig right.. Thanks for the treating me cheesecake... Jia..

then, while eating.. a 10+ mins call change everything..

she smile and joke and lame after that.. faint.. this is what call love...

i believe jia is smiling thru the whole trip home today.

happy for her.. so Jia u must treasure k..

bought a mirror at Ikea.. abt $3

shall not tok anymore.. i need peace and silence..

my own life..

went out quite late today to acc jia.. coz she was so upset...

den when i reach Ikea, her face was like i owe her something for the last 10 years.. =x

then, ate our dinner there.. and i ate.. 5 meatballs, a salmon meal and a cheesecake...

wahaha.. pig right.. Thanks for the treating me cheesecake... Jia..

then, while eating.. a 10+ mins call change everything..

she smile and joke and lame after that.. faint.. this is what call love...

i believe jia is smiling thru the whole trip home today.

happy for her.. so Jia u must treasure k..

bought a mirror at Ikea.. abt $3

shall not tok anymore.. i need peace and silence..

my own life..

i don't want anything anymore..

it isn't about life..

its about me... and how i want to live it..

happily..

choose what u wan...

i can't stay there forever like an invisible sheet of paper.. i want to be a piece of paper fill with color.. and used meaningfully..

happy day end with.. sadness..

actually i'm quite happy today.. but.. i found out something and suddenly everything seems to fall on me.. i don't know.. i shall just post the photo.. anyway, i went to bugis with jia today..

big issues of our trip:
- was looking at some bags in the shop.. and a stupid lady say, excuse me.. i wan to use the mirror coz i was standing infront of the mirror.. she give a fuging face and attitude.. and i look at her useless bf.. she think she is big fuck with a guy ard.. pls.. piss and look at ur face.. u get dumped sooner or later with tat.. attitude.. jia was also so pissed at her.. stupid woman..

- jia and i were sharing a bowl of grass jelly and i ask her to finish it.. by drinking from the bowl.. she say its very not gentle.. but in the end.. i saw her doing tat.. hahas.. jia bian le.. she is not as gentle as before le.. omg..

- everything i say i want to eat.. jia will say.. wei very heaty le.. later my pimple pop pop pop.. i was like -_-".. but in the end i save her with a bowl of grass jelly.. she finish it and her face is as smooth as her ass.. =X... this is what i say to make her finish everything.. whaha...

- there is this cute guy.. man and cute ba.. me and him got telepathy right jia.. whaha.. we laff at the same things.. and his gf or fren wear a real low waist jeans that show her ass that line.. so er xin lo..

i think thats abt all..

a few things i wanted to buy today..
a straw bag.. 14+
another rattan bag.. 36
a esprit spag.. 19.90
a necklace.. 18

haix.. but i didn't buy any of them.. coz i'm damn broke.. but they are so nice.. sadded..
photos time..

this is where we go.. at Bugis..















The oldies stool..















So many pple right..

The Teh Tarik we drank...






























Drinking iced teh tarik...















This stall is cute..

Jia and Me...
















Jia helping me o take pictures.. nice fingers leh..

lonely lonely nite~

i wish i could jus close my eyes and doze off like everyone did.. but it seems a different story to me.. a very different one.. it is not as perfect as seems to be.. and i thought maybe i shouldn't say anything anymore in future.. less hard feelings right.. my stomach have been feeling queasy since just now.. haix..

i'm jus a simple gal.. don't give me test pls.. or don't test me.. i speak what is in my mind.. do things that i felt right.. if its wrong, explain to me.. and i listen.. its jus so simple.. do pple stay so simple all the time.. the real world out there is much more complicated.. but if life is gonna be lidat.. it be so tiring..

jus feeling abit down.. shall go to bed.. feeling tired finally.. listening to the last song.. realise a new hobby of mine.. when i am upset.. jus sit there and stuck the earphones to my ears and sit there in silence..

i wish everyone would be happy.. as in realli happy.. i wish to smile everyday too.. at least i look younger right.. i want to be happy.. as in realli happy..

did i mention that i saw white hair on his head today.. haix.. i wonder when these hair turn white.. think too much..

*song ended... good nite..

was feeling giddy today.. right from the morning.. ate the medicine mum give me and felt better.. but i'm still unwell.. 3 person say i look ghastly... omg... faint..

econs Ut sux as well.. die le..

right after sch, went to Orchard with Jia and we saw the Thai thingy.. everything they selling are from Thai.. nice and cheap.. so we went to take a walk.. bought the tiapoca stuff.. but not tat nice la.. and bought something else i like very much.. shall show u all later.. then, we went to have our dinner with marc.. lolx.. i bet he enjoy it.. only jia and me noes.. why.. hor marc.. wahaha..

after that walk ard.. saw a white top real nice but don't want to spend more money le.. must save a bit.. ame home still need to go and buy food for my parents... shit manz.. that's about all for today..

everything was going on fine.. i not walking forward anymore.. shall rest and take a look at everything slowly.. rushing is tiring... i shall slow down my pace and observe..

i saw white shiny hair.. i saw what he was doing.. and i felt like a damn fool.. ask me why.. coz i know what i did.. nvm..

was waiting for the food when i sat there thinking.. how many mistakes must one commit before they really learnt.. and do one realli learnt from mistakes..

i guess.. one eventually learnt.. if they don't.. its hopeless then.. alright.. at least my day didn't end too badly today..

i bought this hand-made white rose for 1 buck...

Side view...














Top view...
















a joke by daddy when i came home with the rose..

daddy: someone give u flowers again..
me: no la.. i bought it for 1 dollar..
daddy: huh, no one by for u.. u go and buy urself..
me: (-_-")

i nearly fainted.. lols.. but its pretty right..

do u jus hate the sight of me..

why do u always want to shout at me like that even when i do nothing..

why is the first thing i hear on the pone.. kp lar..

why is all this so..

i'm crying my heart out..

i know he will probably be very angry with me.. but i realli didn't did it on purpose..

i'm jus angry.. that why he always have to scold me..

why is it that.. u can't talk jokingly and gentlely to me like u did to other gals..

that's all i ask for.. why..

i hate everything.. why things always turn out like shit.. its a fucking day..

i hate my life.. i hate all the kp la.. huan lo.. none of my business words coming out of my msn screen.. i hate all tis.. jus a simple nice onversation... so hard.. i hate this life... i hate everything..

its my fault.. but do i deserve all the scoldings and coldness from u..

Jeremy, I'm sorry.. but I really didn't did it on purpose..