playing cs at the moment.. die too fast.. lol... i'm lousy...
this few days i have been like waiting for saturday to come.. wondering how the celebration will be...
silly, isn't it.. haha... so fast i am 19 year old le..
dad ask me about my palans after i graduate and frankly i don't know..
mm.. i think i should start thinking about it.. coz i know dad is making plans for me too.. alright shall go back to my cs..

a picture of rainbow taken by me today...

can u find it?

i don't k

feeling pain~ and nothing more..

this is my new idol... man leh... i am going to buy the vcd.. wahaha...


ah boy's bathing picture... wahahah

i am contradicting myself this afternoon, thinking so much and worrying... wth..
am i going to live like that forever... no i am not... i see people around me changing so quickly and here i am trying to catch up to what i have lose.. but everything seems too fast for me to catch up..
thinking back what i have been doing in school all this while when we are not together yet.. i feel so stupid.. i wonder what makes me do all that.. shouting at my class like a mad woman blah.. i should have bury my face in a hole if i could find one.. at that moment. i don't how people see me.. but i just hate it when people talk behind me.. or some stuff happen and me being the stupid ass dunno anything.. i keep wondering is there...?? then i told myself so what if there is.. i just wanted to be with someone i love.. nothing wrong.. at least i get the courage to do it openly though stupidly.. but.. its once in a lifetime thing.. if u dun strive for it.. when its gone... u may not find it again... alright its over.. i shall not think about it so much.. though he may not be the one.. but well... its my feelings..
yst has been busying cleaning up my room, washing my toilet, bathing my dog... haha.. busy.. took some pictures of my ah boy after he bath.. so cute... got so tired at the end of the day..
today start well, chat with ling in the morning afternoon etc... everything goes very well... lol.. i am so happy... am i easily contented or what.. realli hope that ling temper will get better..
i can't post the pics now... ahll post it next time..

jus don't know what's got into me???

why am i getting so unsettled over all this stupid stuff.. i hate it..

i lost myself... if only it could be like that...

just bloody fuck off... arghz~

i'm feeling so unwell... my head so heavy.. and my body feeling so weak..

a weirdo mind~

had recently finish watching a show called "天国的嫁衣"。。。a very nice show. i somehow throw myself in the show.. inside the show, the two person destined to be together... like soulmates, know each other thru a very special incident but they went through a lot to get together.. in fact, they let go of each other so that the other party can get real happiness but in the end they still get together and the female lead get to wear the wedding dress that the male lead design for her at last.. its a long story la.. but very touching show.. i almost fall in love with the male lead inside.. haha.. he is my idol.. leon jay william...

now i am sitting outside at my balcony typing away.. nothing to do.. actually waiting for cynthia but the game just seems to be non-stop... arghz... saw an eagle jus mins ago flying round and round... so free and beautiful... make me wanna go to the bird park again..

feeling peaceful but somehow abit low.. some stuff are just whirling in my mind but frankly, i just don't know what it is.. funny.. had my driving lesson today and it went well, got praise.. haha... i shall jia you.. and change away my driving habits.. i feel so tired.. yawnz~ but my room is occupied.. nvm..

i ask myself, is being naive something good or bad? its depends la.. nothing is right or wrong.. i think i shall stop myself from thinking so much.. jus enjoy what i have now..

so many things have happen recently and somehow it make me think differently about some things in life.. life and death.. and how strong can a person be to take all this.. now i could see towards the sea, and somewhere where the horizon exist, it seems so foggy.. but it still look so beautiful like heaven... just looking at it makes me feel calm..

i am so emotional today.. mm.. don't quite like it.. shall not carry on...

jus some tots~

would a man put down their pride for someone they love?

is it stable or just a start?

wednesday went to east coast with darling, and my doggy... had fun... and ah boy and ling had a great time chasing birds... some pictures we take...

family reunion.. hahah
















ah boy caught in the net...

bloody day~

sometimes, i really don't know what to do.. i get pissed.. but my anger goes down easily.. i'm glad.. ling have been more sensitive than before.. don't know why but i think it be ok.. yst went to meet ling to pass him the hp case.. then, we went to orchard coz i say i wanted to get a new top for my birthday and we shop ard fareast.. and i got a top for myself.. ling get it for me as a birthday present.. a very different dressing style for myself.. lol.. but i quite like it.. then we went to amk.. and ling got what he always wanted.. i bet he can't sleep last night.. i'm so worried that he keep playing with the slot.. lol..

nutting much.. not feeling quite well today.. i got a new idol.. wahaha.. he is cristiano ronaldo from man u.. haha.. of course he is good looking but i adore him not only coz of his looks but also his skills... feeling so tired now.. nothing much to talk..

this few days keep quarrelling with ling over small stuff.. quite upset but we get over it rather quickly.. though sometimes i jus feel like plucking every strand of hair out from my head.. but its still worth it.. maybe my temper has been not so good due my aunt visit.. hope the sun shine after the rain...

too many things have happen this days.... at home or in my relationship..

there is nothing i can do at home...

for my relationship.. what ling said is true.. i know.. i think i should change...

now i'm in a bad mood.. nuttin to say le.. bye..

what a day~

went to meet ling after a long week of not meeting.. a lot of things happen.. quite happening.. but upsetting too.. then, we went Jurong point.. then, Jurong east and then IMM.. just to bo liao.. went to play pool and we played 5 rounds.. and i win 5 rounds... lol.. (.!_!.)\/

he was so diao.. lol.. poor darling.. but i love u...

just feel like.. blogging.. and i wanna box ling now.. just feel like boxing him.. leave me alone again and i hate u forever..

low night~

sunday, nicole came over.. had fun and i'm dead beat by the end of the day.. coz kids run ard.. and i must admit.. i'm old le.. lol..

what have i been doing this few days... a lot alot... went to IKEA with my sis, bro, aunt an cynthia on monday.. had a whopping nice lunch at the IKEA restaurant and burn a hole in bro's pocket... lol.. but i had my fill.. had chicken wings, steak, salmon and meatballs.. *drool.. then we walk ard IKEA and bought quite a lot of stuff.. then we went to junction 8 and had our dinner.. aunt bought her stuff.. after that, we went to amk and move the stupid cupboard for sis... so many cockroaches over there.. reach home late and tired.. lol...

for today.. quite a day.. wake up at noon.. and at abt late noon.. went to shop with cynthia.. we went to the shops beside parkway parade.. then, went to collect bro's phone.. and bought a lot of titbits.. yummy.. reach home.. both of us went for a swim and a steam bath.. good life eh.. this days have been sleeping and eating.. gonna be fat soon.. we went to the pet shop and i saw a bunny.. its so damn cute.. how i wish its mine..

i'm glad ling told me how he feel nowadays... i love u...

i jus feel down tonight.. maybe just pms.. hungry now.. and ling is out there for supper without me.. =@

the sticker on my forehead is nicole's doing.. lol.. isn't she cute..

feelings~

where are my feelings gone... i seem to be someone so independent or that i had got numb over things that happened a little too many times in my life.. i wish i had know how i feel.. i wanted to be loved and pampered like any other girls.. but maybe its heaven will... or am i asking for more when i have got some... i ought to work things out before i break down.. my family treat me like a maid.. i don't realli mind because they are my family.. though i get realli sick and feel like just shouting at them... and ask them to fark off.. i just don't want to make my dad feel like he waste his time bringing up kids that are so ungrateful in the end.. it definitely hurt him a lot as a parent.. and thats the last thing i ever want him to think...

i'm feeling down tonight.. coz of what.. i don't know.. i just feel like nothing matters.. i remember what i saw on tv once when a woman say its makes a woman feel loved when they feel like a woman... its true i felt so.. but on the other hand.. they may feel like a woman... yet there maybe something else very wrong..

is it that when we didn't see each other for too many days that u feel so down.. maybe i miss him too much..

sometimes i just feel so sad when i saw dad tired face... he has realli done his part for the family but sometimes it seems that no one realli appreciate what he had done.. people always envy us for having a dad like him not only coz he is rich but also people respect him for the advice that he gave and etc.. outsiders could respect my dad.. but his own son couldn't... this is hurting indeed... i just wish i could do something..

appreciate, cherish, love, understand... is tis what my life is gonna to be..

after reading what i write here tonight.. i told myself.. 知足常乐... if this is my the best happiness that i could get.. i should be contented.. that i have it..

sometimes i wish i know what i am doing or what i really want...

is this life?

always fill with contradicting facts...

i wish my tears could make ur heart ache and not make u feel annoyed...

last few days, quite a lot of unhappy things happened.. and i feel pissed.. and annoyed.. with myself...

i sought for a brand new me.. and a brand new style of mine.. as what he said keep ringing in my mind.. your style is out of date.. i don't know what should i say.. just stressed.. its like when u want to change something to suit ur love one.. but when u are too broke to do so.. and u dunno wat to do.. and this thing is being reminded time and again.. u just feel like banging ur head to the wall.. and u just feel like shouting "yes so what if i don't have a good dress sense or fashion sense that other girls have"...

i don't like my own style but changing isn't just about changing.. its about the money to do so and the fashion sense that u need to make ur change a worthwhile and nice one..

i know i change alot.. in my character.. my thinking... i no longer like to dress up so much like i used to be in the past.. i no longer like to speak so much... maybe coz i just feel tired.. i can't control everything so i jus accept it gracefully..

sometimes i keep thinking.. okies.. people like to be style.. but at my age.. how long more can u be style.. u soon be working and do u still get to wear this stylish clothes ard.. i don't think so..

shan't bother myself so much.. just feel like grumbling.. i do what i can... and i have been doing it for so long.. so long..

my dog have been feling unwell and i'm worried about it.. but its just so cute though its so old already.. let me show u a picture..

busy day...

something i am so proud of.. hihi..

my ling bought it for me though in the end i bought him one too..


my new keychain and the face look like ling.. waahahah... always green green.. and so fat.. wahahaha.. he's going to kill me... well, the kerokerope can be use to make a key.. nice right.. but i decide to make my own hse key when i have one with my darling.. lol.. *dreaming..

ling bought mooncake for papa and mama.. so sweet but of coz i did buy for his family too.. so i'm sweet too.. hihi.. i'm so tired.. went to suntec food fair.. nothin much.. maybe coz my throat and gum very pain.. can't eat properly.. bought some noodle home but it taste sucky.. now having a very bad headache...

the truth is out~

finally talk to my dad and he knows everything.. i'm glad and this solve my biggest worries..

sorry ling if i make u feel that anything else is more impt than u.. and that everything is your fault...

Ling, no matter what.. u will always be my ling.. and the one i love and care about most.. and i know i have many bad points too.. get well soon baby..

had a good rest and felt better.. though still got a slight headache.. gonna start on my PPM... but a bit lazy.. my parents have been quarrelling for two days.. don't know what happen.. nvm.. but i'm kinda upset over what his happening at home..
talk to dad yst and i can see that he is very stressed up and unhappy... make me feel even sadder.. and saw my brother grade.. which is simply pathetic.. i really don't know how he is going to take his O levels. I would be very worried if i had got his grades now but he still have the mood to play.. dad is simply upset with this..
dad seems to grow old so much..
alright, i need to motivate myself and do my PPM..haha.. lose my voice for the past few days.. now i feel like singing..
somethig i like to comment on.. okies.. for the project superstar they interview some people on the street who will be the superstar.. but have u guys notice that.. everyone who say it.. mention about his disability.. isn't that call pity.. i jus don't understand.. i don't deny that weilian sing well but not better than Kelly... he can sing oldies but not what people like now.. like those r&b or whatever.. therefore, i felt that Kelly got a better superstar character than him and she got the wu tai mei li.. its just such a waste..
alright.. i shall stop here.. got to get back to work..

finally the holidays~

i start my holiday with a bad sorethroat.. well, nothin much actually.. just feel bored.. just blog on my day.. wake up at 10 oz ling call me and went down to Jurong just to bring my HDD to deal with a guy... so dizzy and weak on the way.. was feeling unwell.. then went to eat with ling.. saw ling with his armani spects that make him look like a goondo.. was kinda shock when i saw him.. and coz i'm feeling unwell and the shock make me stunned there for a min or two.. though ling look like a goondo and frankly, just not nice., i still love him and stay close to him though he is smelly.. and when i smell good and nice.. i hug him.. omg.. lol.. =x he is going to kill me.. then we went to the foodcourt and ate xiao wan mian.. not very nice.. i still think dia's sch there one is much nicer and cheaper.. then we went to buy his mama pizza and i went home.. so tired..

now ling is out with his friends.. eating good food and me this poor thing... stay at home sick.. haix... then he call and ask me check schedule for him still dare to so fierce... i lun nvm.. even his frens say so.. so i'm not being sensitive this time.. he should go back and think about it.. this is call taking for granted.. understand..

for girls thingy... i think guys want to get to know a girl of course they have a motive in mind.. no more comments but i know what to do..

i hate it when i say something and ling say ok i will remember this.. he always like to get back to me like revenge.. listen i hate it ok.. i'm ur gf not ur enemy.. pig..

alright.. end of my complaints..

its gonna be a lonely night for me.. ling eating roast duck leave me at home still dare to tok so fiercely with me.. i hate him..

tomorrow should get my ass down to the pool... and get some exercise..

sucky day..

had a bad morning.. firstly took bus and got squash like shit... then mrt.. a lot of people.. take to orchard.. after i buy the burger king it start to rain.. and when i got up to the bus, the door just close on me.. and "giam" my hand.. then the stupid uncle don't know how to drive.. and i nearly fall on the bus. walk up the slope of my school.. my slipper jus fly off.. like nobody business.. my hand hurts.. and ling don't care about me.. he just don't want to tal to em.. i hate him.. hate him..

upcoming holidays~

have been having a bad headache since i wake up this morning... this days, i have been trying to be someone better.. well, but the results wasn't really good.. i'm just lousy.. now, i am like having my holidays.. but my holiday is going to start not till next week.. its a early holiday i got for myself.. tomorrow going to school coz ling got to go for his econs lesson so i have to go too.. have been feeling so tired recently and my giddy spells are back.. couldn't even get my butt out to go to the pool just downstairs to get myself some exercise.. well, to say... swimming is the only exercise i do apart from anything else.. but now i just can't get my butt out of the chair.. forget it..

many things have changed and each of us have had our own life to lead... we have all grown up.. big enough to make our own decisions.. and our choice of life.. i'm glad in certain things and unhappy about certain things.. but i still hope for my own happiness.. who don't want to be happy right..

i'm glad i have so many people who care about me... love u all lots.. especially my ling, though i know u care in a different way.. a way that i don't realli like.. but i know u care.. best is u could care in a way that i like =D sometimes i do get overboard.. i'm sorry.. but i still love u lots.. and my buddies.. thanks for being there when i need u all.. hope that things will go smoothly for u guys too..

marc going to army soon.. though we don't appreciate him sometimes but i suppose we all know he is a great friend.. marc.. its time u grow up le wor.. going to army le.. must take care..

gonna do some reading..