it has been quite long since i really update about my life.

somehow felt stress about school work especially my PPM..

the deadline is coming soon and yet i haven't even start.

my CE point is finishing soon..

and my FYP still ok..

recently, found fats on my arm and my thigh.. omg.. i need to exercise..

i go swimming next week.. don't want to have those extra fats on me...

how i wish this fats can go to my butt.. haha..

today. Idah came to my hse with her grandma and i had quite sometime with her... such a good girl..

ah.. enough of nonsense... update again...

i am angry with myself.. afraid of losing... afraid of everything...

how is it that i want to spend the rest of my life like..

like now?

i really don't know.. i'm i suppose not this way.

i really hope things wil get better...

i will try my best in whatever i can do...

hope u too.

i'm just in a lost..

i will do what i should do now.

no matter what will the ending be like..

at least i nv regret..

sorry that i bring u more unhappiness than happiness.

好希望就像童话里的王子跟公主一样可以简简单单的一起快乐生活。。。

不管性格有多不同，我相信只要相爱，一切都不是问题。

just fail my driving test...

feeling nt so good..

and so many fuck up things happen...

why... arghz...

have been attending a wake yst and today. It's my third uncle.. sudden death. This wake was quite a different one compared to the ones i have attended in the past. There are funny matters, sad matters and also angry matters. Shall not talk about it.l.. anyway this wake sure change my views about life. I try to hold back my tears and i didn't even shed a tear today. So much thoughts just flood my mind. I saw the coffin burn... and i jus tot of the uncle who always ask me about my studies and etc during new year. His smile, the way he speak and the way he always react to his wife comments but at this moment, he is gone forever.

something i will never forget, the scene when my auntie cry for my uncle when his coffin is being carried away and she can't go with us to for the cremation. My tears nearly just flow freely. while on the way to the temple, Aida was walking beside me and looking at her so quiet unlike her usual self. I just wonder if she knows her grandpa is dead.

remember aunt telling me that when her grandma told her grandpa is dead. Then, Aida reply can u buy another gong gong for me? Its just something so heartwrenching when aida is so close with her grandpa.

well, i hope my auntie can take it and Aida will still be a happy child even when she knows her beloved gong gong is dead.

is being naive the best thing in this world. i don't like the way some people behaves, the way they treat their family members. Why can't everyone just live happily and peacefully?

what i want in life, i want a family of my own, two kids. My husband could get on very well with my family and my relatives, of course, well-liked by them. Sometimes, have dinner with my family and outings with them too. i would like myself to get along very well with my parents-in-law too... do the same things like outing and dinner too. Could get along well with his relatives too. isn't that wonderful? basically, i always felt that one person closest kin in his/her whole life would be family, so if u even have to doubt ur family or husband, then who could u trust in life? life would be more a pain then happiness. i want my parents to adire my kids too.. wahaha... greedy right.. but thats life.

i felt that in some way i have grow smarter after the training by my ling but after seeing some things more clearly, i'm not as happy. Maybe the way i deal with what i see is wrong.. try a new perspective ba. think i am going to bed le...

so sadded.. coz my ling nv come and tag my board... =(

days days days~

recently, haven been updating my blog. too busy with school work and many things had happen recently but i think Ling's blog is even worse. Quarrel with Ling so much that i realli feel like giving up sometimes, relatives death and school work in a rush. I need a rest. My birthday this year was a boring one.. as one grow older. i guess this is common. School work is getting more and more shitty.. don't wanna talk about it.

have been hook on a new show.. 王子变青蛙。。。very touching show.. funny too.. but one more episode to go before i finish.. and no one else got the last episode.. so sad.. who wanna download for me..

sometimes i am thinking when u love someone, u would want that someone to be happy and when they aren't happy.. u be sad too.. but when i cry.. ling always say i am fan.. does that mean that he don't love me.. i don't know..

just this week, i found out all about my imperfections as a gf... and i am hurt and surprised at the same time.. i knew i would change if i want myself to.. but the thing is.. what am i really like?
i also found out at the same time, though i am so imperfect, ling have always been giving us a new chance to let the relationship go on and at the same time trying to accept my everything.. i guess this is love.. is it? just what i felt.. it may not be true..

could humans just be so easily contented?

a normal sunday...

well, feel like its been a long time since i last blog. quite a lot of things happen this days... no matter its me or my friends.. i'm getting used to it la... and taking it in my own stride... hopefully, this is realli my future. Yst had my driving lesson and went to the circuit for the second time.. my instructor say that i was good.. hihi.. happy le.. but i dun think i can pass for the first time.. nvm.. shall try my best. After my driving, i meet dia, darren and marc for dinner. Though was feeling kinda low at first, i felt better later on.. had han's for dinner and the steak was not bad.. *drool... hungry now... walk ard and i realise that i wanted to buy a bad.. hahas.. excuse again..
anyway thanks guys for the pendant that u all get for me.. i love it.. though marc choose the wrong color but if u all are going to get the blue one.. i will still treasure it.. hahas..

Now ling is out there having dinner.. i'm so bored but shall not disturb him.. i realise some stuff.. and think thru it le... that's life... nothing is perfect.. its just how i accept it in my life.. and im starting to accept things gracefully.. my limit is not up yet..

my goal is to be a beautiful woman with BRAINS.. lol... i work on it..

i'm so worried now...

i just don't feel right when i hear his voice...

but no matter how i ask.. there is nothing that i could get from him.

i feel so useless.. and selfish... i could have thought of how he feel before i do anything else.. but i didn't again.. though i mean well.

my heart just ache, and i realise that its not those hurting words that i heard make my heart ache but hearing the sadness and the lost in him hurt me.. just at the moment, i wish he could disturb me like in the afternoon. Humans are always like that, they always cherish something only when they lost it.. seems like i haven't learnt my lesson. I'm just so worried now.. i know there is nothing i can do now except wait... i hate it.. hate it when i cn't be there just right beside him to let him know i care.. and that whatever happen, i am there just for him.. willing to walk thru all ups and downs with him.. but now here i am stuck and afraid that something bad will happen. i could somehow feel there is something very wrong with him.. nv so sure.. it seems like i could feel all that he is feeling but yet i don't know what happen.

baby, no matter what.. i'm here for u..

Its The Grief That Takes The Soul Away...
But Yet The Love Stay...

feeling kinda down now..
heard a story in FM 93.3 jus now..

the story goes there is this man walking on the road and he saw something like an apple in the middle of the road and he wanted to remove it so that it won't block the people but at the moment he touch it. the so called apple grew twice its size. Though he was shocked but he attempt to remove it again and it grew again. This time the apple became so big that it block the people from going pass it. Then someone came and tell the man not to touch the apple again. He ask why and was told that this so called apple will grow when u touch it.. that means if you don't touch it, nothing will happen.

somehow applies to me that when ling is angry the more i talk, the more angry he is like the apple. No matter what is in my mind when talking to him. It is useless. Like the man who had good intention of moving the apple away from blocking people, instead it turn out likewise.

so here am i to share it.

yst me and ling won for our soccer betting.. hahaha.. all thanks to me this birthday girl and also our lucky betting singapore pools... at lucky plaza.. ling got 0 losing bets at there... after betting quite a no of time.. haha.. and today i plan to do some stunts.. to see if i am lucky...

here are some of the pictures taken yesterday...

me & ling...


our rice table dinner.. a lot of food right..


the big bear.. waahahha

my birthday celebration

went out in the afternoon to samsung to repair my phone but it just go wrong.. lazy to type.. shan't mention about it. Then, meet ling and we had japanese food at cuppage... was quite full then.. after that, we just shop around till 7... went to fox and i got two tops there.. like it very much though its rather simple.. simplicity is beauty.. haha i took a picture with a big bear and it hug me so tightly that i can't breathe.. so cute.. then we went to rice table at suntec for our buffet dinner.. the food was quite ok.. i think its more of the soup that fill our stomach.. haha.. anyway i did enjoy the dinner.. like the embience there though its abit noisy.. the food was not bad too.. after that.. ling and me just got a drink from 7 eleven.. and sat somewhere for a chat... our leg just feel like breaking.. i just know we did a lot of walking today... so tired now.. shall post the picture some other day..

its my birthday today... jus wake up not long ago and no one is at home.. my family is always like that.. later going to meet ling le.. but my hand all this so painful.. it has been in pain since last night... haix... nvm.. should be alright.. gonna find something to fill my stomach so i won't go out with an empty stomach.. anyway, thanks to those who wish me happy birthday.. u all also happy happy ba.. wahha... suddenly i am craving for the sweet sweet noodle that people ate for their birthday but i know mum won't cook de la.. i think i should learnt to cook it myself so i can eat anytime.. hmph~