jus wake up as i am feeling rather tired...

got home at abt 2 i think.. went doswn for a swim.. a very quick one.. which my dad says is jus for me to wet my body... the water was cold as always.. so cold that it sent me shivering.. i'm the only one at the pool until a parent and her child came.. well, actually i enjoy haing the whole pool by myself rather than those kids running ard and shouting away.. did relax real much.

came back do my project plan and i got real tired and i jus went to my room.. dozed off within 5 mins i think... actually wanted to do some reading but my eyes just can't keep itself open.

sometimes i don't know what i feel.. especially towards him.. i'm disappointed at things.. which i don't see the effort.. yet it just seems so "nothing" to him. if this is going on, very soon no other occasions would be special... every occasion something the same will happen.. i would rather not celebrate any occasion including my birthday.. when u don't make the effort to do something for the celebration but u celebrate just because someone wants to.. whats the point.. i would rather celebrating with someone who wants to do so the same as me.. just with little tots.. not eating at grand restaurants.. nor havign beautiful gifts.. its the person and the effort i guess. some pple jus don't understand... i'm disappointed but this feeling get lesser and lesser.. not because i'm getting happier but coz this disappointment have been there so long.. that it no longer feels.. i know i shouldn't care so much as it wasn't even mine.. he have the freedom to know what should he do with it.. which just to me is something he didn't manage well.. or to say in my case.. i won't have do so.

he has been treating me better though.. and i had somehow had learnt to take certain things.. his temper, his way of talking.. its been 3 years... so long yet so short.. i'm feeling more and more pressurized with the life i am having.. more and more things are thrown to me and i can't seem to finish it.. some is not even what i know how to do.. i feel like everything is bottled up in my chest.. exploding soon.. i need u to be there but not to tell me i have to depend on myself everytime.. i need u too.. i know when i realli had to depend on myself and when i realli need u..

do pple always try to live up to others expectations and to own expectations..

everyone keep telling me.. i have to go to university.. coz at home.. i'm the only one left that my father had high hopes for.. though he didn't force me but i ould feel how much he wanted me to continue my studies but no one did ever ask me what i want. Over the years, i have been living up to expectation of ling to what he want as a gf.. though sometimes no doubt its something good that he want me to change for.. but its still not me.. not the usual me.. therefore, i find that i have become someone with less words and more introverted.. less words less trouble..

jus tired.. i'm alright..

my mood just bad.. for nothing..

don't know why i am feeling bad mood.. but just thinking of it.. i jus felt that sometimes pple just brush things off too easily. I mean u got the time to save, the time to realli save.. but why couldn't u do it.. i just don't understand.. its the effort i felt.. that is nt there.. though there is some changes but well, girls care for little things as well.

i'm tired.. didn't get a good night sleep due to my lost chou chou.. *sadded.. night pple.. pray for me...

STRESS

haix.. i'm so stressed because of my TP next fri.. after talking with ling.. i find so many things i dunno... why can't i be more focus instead of dreaming away when driving. one more week and i am going on this battle.. but now i am so scAred.. though i very much wanted to pass because:

1. don't want to waste papa money
2. scare ling will scold me
3. i wanted to pass the same day as ling though its one year later.
4. i don't think i got the patience to take again

so god will u help me pls.. relieve me of my anxiety on that day and soothe my stress now till that day, help me remember everything by next thurs and lastly let me pass. just this little little request. i want to be happy during new year pls.. i promise i be more focus when i do things from now on.

i swear --> (.!_!.)lll

jamie, your true color is Orange!

You're a bold, confident orange. A warm, powerful color that indicates a strong, welcoming personality, orange is the mark of people who are social and extroverted by nature. Vibrant, with an upbeat attitude, you have a bright, inviting demeanor. Energetic and fun-loving, you're a real friend-magnet. Your easy charm and unassuming manner make you the sort of person people want to meet and get to know better. Well-rounded and fun to be around, you enjoy helping others, so it's no surprise that orange also symbolizes attraction. Orange is an extraordinary color — for an extraordinary person.

salon day...

i went to the salon today and got lots of chemical on my hair.. which kinda spoil the natural smooth texture of it.. i perm, dye, hightlight.. and my precious hair kinda go into a craze but its a nice craze i felt so. well, practically i jus love the color... hahs...

another thing is.. seeing how anxious my darling and what he say before i even go clubbing.. makes me feel so fortunate.. well, he love me.. and is somehow quite possessive with his darling here.. wahaha... he is jus so sweet and cute SOMETIMES.. haha... new year coming soon.. and i spend quite a lot of money also.. haix..

last night i realise many things.. pple who are too smart are lonely people.. coz they felt that they only need themself in their life.. and also that they don't trust their kins much also.. felt that its better to depend on themselves... this is what i learnt after i heard my sis and brother-in-law quarrelling.. i'm still thinking what i rather be...

finsih my PPm and pass le.. so happy.. now waiting for my CE points and FYP... sian diao... tired now.. bb...

How You Life Your Life

You seem to be straight forward, but you keep a lot inside.You are always tactful and diplomatic. You let people down gently.You tend to have one best friend you hang with, as opposed to many aquaintences.Some of your past dreams have disappointed you, but you don't let it get you down.

How Do You Live Your Life?

Your Birthdate: October 1

You are a natural born leader, even if those leadership talents haven't been developed yet.You have the power and self confidence to succeed in life, and your power grows daily.Besides power, you also have a great deal of creativity that enables you to innovate instead of fail.You are a visionary, seeing the big picture instead of all of the trivial little details. Your strength: Your supreme genius Your weakness: Your inappropriate sensitivity Your power color: Gold Your power symbol: Star Your power month: January

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Your Birthdate: October 1

You are a natural born leader, even if those leadership talents haven't been developed yet.You have the power and self confidence to succeed in life, and your power grows daily.Besides power, you also have a great deal of creativity that enables you to innovate instead of fail.You are a visionary, seeing the big picture instead of all of the trivial little details. Your strength: Your supreme genius Your weakness: Your inappropriate sensitivity Your power color: Gold Your power symbol: Star Your power month: January

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who have a split personality - cold as ice on the outside but hot as fire in the heart. In love, you feel the most alive when your partner is patient and never willing to give up on you. You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy. You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic. Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something that will confine you. You are afraid of marriage. In this moment, you think of love as something you don't need. You just feel like flirting around and playing right now.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

this route...

i realise that i wanted to settle down more than anything else.. a stable bf hopefully my husband.. a good career.. and happiness in life without much things to brood over.

in the past i always wanted a to curve out my own career but suddenly my mind just felt so.. i wanted a life of my own with someone i could trust, rely, love, share, and is willing to sacrifice and spend his life with me. i wanted someone like this.. and to settle down.. maybe i am tired.. i don't know why some girls out there can change their bf every now and then.. so quickly like using tissues.. i used a lot of tissues but i don't change my bf like them. I wanted jus one who love me as much as i love him.. that's enough..

PPM presentation next week but i haven even done my poster.. what shall i do.. haix.. i'm stressed man.. no time to rest.. quarrels with ling that always lead to break up.. PPM.. FYP.. arghz.. i'm so freAking tired.. could someone understand.. haix..

if someone like my sis had know... she would say.. she deserve it coz she choose what she wants.. it feels like believing that someone u love will be touched by ur sincere heart, ur undying love and your perserverance to love is something foolish. No one believes in that anymore.. everybody is so practical.. all they want is to protect themself from harm.. i used to believe there are some kind souls... but no more...

everytime something bad happen, when it is over.. i hope it will get better...
but everytime, i get disappointed...
i wish my disappointment ends..

to me love~

love has always been something sweet to me. it is like;

- two person compromise in order to let each other be happy.
- take care of each other
- want to do something the other part
- are able to sacrifice themself for each other- change for the better for the other part
- be willing to stay by the other party side forever no matter what happen..

i think this is about all... but somehow this mindset of mine change with time.. maybe this kind of thing don't exist now... as the world is getting more realistic.. things do change..
somehow toilet have become somewhere i could go to calm myself and even be alone for awhile... though it don't smell as good as my own room but definitely it is a place for me to calm down and think. Think of what i want.. and what i really feel..

new year... my new hopes?

spend the first few days brooding over my own life... brooding over things that i don't even know exist or even problems.

humans are often selfish and only know how to treasure things when they lose it. i jus felt nt realli gd...

tired~ tml sch reopen le.. i know things will mostly be the same.. i learnt nv to ask too much as i always get disappointment.