well, I'm trying to be a good gf... being understanding and forgiving and loyal.. blah blah blah... but sometimes I realli wonder if I am so annoying. Ling always like to raise his voice at me. I know he has a loud voice but can't he just make me an exception.

I don't know how much i can take and give and I don't know how much I can give for his sake.
Why do he only know how to get angry when I told him how I feel? Only shout at me instead of telling me how he feel and why etc? I dont understand... I know sometimes I am unreasonable.. but I am trying hard to change.. I just wish my own bf can be there for me more, and don't always shout at me over little things... is it so hard..

life getting harder as time goes but I am trying to be strong for myself.

happiness seems so hard to come by when one get older.. what is the use of being optimistic when I always get upset in the end. I hate it.

I'm feeling so down now.. feel like crying out... but it just don't come out as easily as before..

emotions...

sometimes, there are times when i feel totally lost just becuase i felt that i need someone by my side and he is like always not there. i hate this kind of feeling. In my mind i keep thinking that if i want to stay on this relationship means i want someone who will be there for me when i need him. i don't know if anything will change but hopefully it will.

afterall, i love him.

i'm happy that he get along will enough with my family members coz i confess that many people don't really get along with my family. reasons being.. i dunno.

well, had a great time today with ling at my house. hope he gets the job. at least he won't be so lousy and keep saying he no money.

i need more songs.. for the birthday party.. can someone help me.

sometimes i realli wonder if i am going to spend the rest of my life with my ling.. well, to start with.. sometimes i felt that i can't depend on him coz he is always so fan with my questions and sometimes when i ask something.

I need someone who will be there when I have problems but not one who when i have problems he will like very fan.. i dunno.. i jus tot tat if he is the one i would continue but if he is nt.. i would not continue the relationship. I thought that he would be the one after so much but last night.. i just felt completely diff.. i do wish GOD could tell me if he is sometimes..

play pool again with ling today and he lose again.. wahahah.. i pro right.. then eat sakae. Today is the first time ling and me went for japanese food in our whole relationship. shld be quite memorable la.. then we went to watch the hills have eyes or something lidat show.. very "Er xin".. the show i mean.. but overall nt bad.. scary.. then, we walk abit then home sweet home le... very tired.. tml more activities coming up.

i get disappointments... and i tot it ended when ling treat me better.. i noe i get overboard... but i still get disappointed coz of the effort.. i don't get from him.. i tot my disappointment will end but it didn't. i noe u give in to my bad temper.. or u already used to my temper... but the care and concern is still nt there.. sometimes.. at least i feel so.. i'm tired now.. bb

My Poor Head =(

had cereal for breakfast and went to work at about 11a.m for Andrej's Birthday Party.. had a great deal of fun... though now I know that these kids are so so so active. During the activities, Ricky, another party coordinator of Crestar came but the activities wasn't realli a success as the kids were saying bored.. can't blame him coz he was actually on attachment to Crestar and he study engineering. So, sometimes doesn't mean that attachment was good. He come to LEC and do all the dirty job, like buy Macdonalds and clean up.. lol.. useful le.. lol and surprisingly he is also 20 years old. Had a fun time playing with the kids.. and the birthday boy Andrej use the sift bricks and throw it at my head.. so painful, once the soft bricks all landed on my head again when they are building the tallest tower... and i'm having a headache during the whole birthday party. During the theme lesson, I can see that the kids enjoy playing the back to back pack.. shall learn abit from Christine. haha.. Violet ask me to take over for April 23rd birthday party for 5 years old kids and the number of the class is quite small also.. hope i can do it close to perfect at least and the pay is rather attractive.. hahaha... I need to do some homework and see if I can just do it myself with those kids so that Violet can just stay at home to celebrate her son birthday and no need to come and help me.

had my lunch at about 2+ and was so famished.. the nasi bryani was so so lor.. but the left over birthday cake was quite nice.. creamy and chocolate cake.. haha.. i had 2 piece.. and my packet of rice.. yum yum~ came home.. took a bath and take my medi and watch Big Momma's House 2 on my com till now.. feel so tired.. tml got to work again.

I seriously felt that I am beginning to love a job like tat.. its fulfilling, fun, interesting and also a very friendly environment.

AZA AZA FIGHTING!!!

this morning got a call from success HRC again.. tot got good news... but to my disappointment again. I need a job badly... so badly.. haix..

Dad know about my worries and though he keep assuring me but to no avail.. well, I am someone who always make sure that what I do turn out right or will turn out the way I want it to be before I do it.. I need he confidence there.. but now I'm lack of that from Dad.

I am looking for something to add in my room coz it look so plain and thinking of replacing the puzzle I got from Kelvin for my birthday.. and some fresh flowers for my room.. not fake ones coz Ling will start to nag of what increase in love luck.. silly him right.. haha.. just thinking of this bring a smile to my face.. I need a curtain badly too so I can sleep later till the day and a brighter color cloth for my table.

morning till now.. I bathe my dog.. wash the kitchen.. wash my clothes.. and clean my room abit.. till my hands start to ache le.. my dog is so smelly.. dunno why..

got to go back and do my things le.. bb

getting tired now but waiting for Ling to finish watching his fav soccer... dunno why so tired..

As I grow older knowing the facts ard me and looking at things more clearly, I learn to judge people and also grow to hate some people who is trying to destroy what belongs to others.. her sarcastic remarks.. and her ways of gaining sympathy just makes me feel like puking.. if anything happen because of her.. I will nv forgive her.. and he will also not gain my respect anymore...

my darling have bee changing day by day for the better.. hope that this continue... though last night he just throw tantrum and make me rather angry and nowadays he getting more and more possessive and worried for my safety blah etc.. but this shows that he love me right.. wahaha..

so tired now.. and my throat so dry.. looking forward to the Shangri-La buffet lunch with Ling and my family..

A Day with My Family & Ling...

work at the morning and a lot of unhappy things happen. My centre head was a failure and I simply hate her fo rthe way she do things especially when she think that I am a small fry and she is the head so she could do anything to me.. I will make her feel sorry one day.. wahaha..

After that had lunch with my dear colleagues.. but my poor Ling waited for me so long when he haven't had lunch. Bernie was so adamant about giving me a treat and her kids are like so happy to be having lunch with a jie jie. Of course, I am also happy to have lunch with them coz this will be the last time I see them. Then, after all the packing up, went to buy lunch rather late. Bernie had to go separately to buy food and Stephanie(Bernie's elder daughter) choose to follow me. hhaa... so surprise.. then, we had our lunch at pantry. Took some pictures with them for rememberance... haha.. shall post it soon..

After lunch, i rush down to find my Ling.. and he was so KPO, hearing what people quarrelling about. 38 right.. hahah.. ok.. I had lunch with him again and came back to my house. We decided to go and ride bicycle but end up paying pool opp PP. I win Ling again.. haha.. woohoo.. den came back again then took my bicycle and bro's one out for a ride.. got bitten like mad by mosquitoes due to my Ling's good recommendations of stoopping by the jungle area.. was scratching like mad when I was riding back home.. so jia lat.. we were hungry again by the time we got back and I make some hotdog buns with lettuce and mayonaise for Ling and me.. So YUMMY!!!

after that little snack, we jus slack till dinner time and wennt to eat steamboat at ROXY Square with my parents.. what a day.. eat and play.. eat and play... enjoy it but was very tired by the night.

jus eaten my breakfast.. Leg Ham w Cheese & a cup of coffee. Feeling more awake now.

have been thinking a lot last night. Humans are really just bad. All humans including myself.

when u are too bad.. people dislike u.. but when u are too good.. pple step all over u.. this world is just so shitty..

its gonna be a long 3 hrs later.. i intend to come back and sleep right away then follow by my uni registration.

YAWNz... need to relax abit..

hi friends.. I am back..

alright.. new thing.. i am going to the gym nowadays.. even after work.. haha.. all thanks to my Darling coz he came my hse that day and we went to the gym. It was then I realise how good is it to have a gym just downstairs after staying here for 1 year. So, I am going there frequently nowadays. Now, my muscles are aching.

but today, i went to the gym and abit "bu shuang". I went in then this lady keep looking at me and give me that she very high up there "de" face. WTH.. shit lo.. see liao also fedup.. somemore nt pretty.. pretty I nuttin to say. Somemore I discover that she is just a maid and the way she treat her master who is a sickly old man with leg problem like shit lor. If me, I sure ask her go home sleep.

todat working and the kids are just so adorable. Bernie's daughter, Sarah is such a cute girl and I hurt her little feet today and yet her mum ask her to say sry to me for standing behind the door. I feel so bad but luckily Boon Siang compensated her with sweets while I am busy running ard. Having class with the kids are enjoyable but tiring. By the end of the lesson, I felt like I am dumb. haha.. after that went home, to the gym then sit down infront of the TV till now. I am starting to love this job but I am so tired now. Tomorrow doing the runner job, shouldn't be better than having class ba but Bernie treating me to lunch for no reason, so pai seh but does that means I am well-liked? At least everyone is at my side and not the villian ma. LOL..

GOGO... gotta show my prowess to the bad guy. That I can do just you don't know how to teach but this job is just for me to learn not grow.. still finding a better job. GOD BLESS ME & Ling so he don't have excuse to NUA at home everyday. =P

things happen again.. for some reasons.

went to SMU open hse.. and really alot of people.. took some brochures and I flee the scene.

I feel sick, tired.. nowadays...

just bored...

my bf gone..

do u guys believe in retribution?

the feeling of loneliness..

just alone..

One of my buds have been urging me to update my blog. So now here i am...

Finally I have finish my third year of Poly life and soon going to graduate on May I think. Now having my holiday but jobless. So I am somehow rotting at home. What I do all day is watching my downloaded shows and movies, read, eat, sleep... I think maybe this can help me get abit fatter ba.

Went to dye my hair chestnut brown.. and turn out not very nice without the highlights.. but its coming out soon.. if not I get a ashgreen highlights..

Many things had happen at home and it add on to the amount of worries I had. Its true that as one grow older, there be more worries. Many things seem normal but i just can't help to think more than that. Even my dad's business stuff is also thrown on my side.. just irks.. Just on the ACRA stuff, I used 2 weeks time to finish my task. Stupid... They are slow in their work. GOSH..

There have been more and more things in work that I have to see to. Bring 40+ kids to life in a room just with legos.. I think I need more courage and enthu and being cute to them so that they listen to me. Its realli a challenge coz I really have to refrain myself from pulling my hair when they get to noisy or naughty. I need plenty of help from the trainers and prepare myself soon.

have been getting frequent headaches tis days.. don't know why.. maybe coz of the hot weather ba.. i need to get some exercise coz i am lazing ard too much.

Life is just so complicated and I need attention from my bf pls.
Guys.. when u all wanna go out.. I need to chill out abit..