understanding & learning...

I told you I nv realli forget what happen.. and you brush me off time and again.. or throw me that piss off voice of urs... which you know will cause me to back out immediately..

For everything I remember, I fear and I wanted to know the reasons behind it.. but I never got to clear my doubts at all even for so many years.. I wish you could be truthful to me and just tell me.. in fact, I may feel better...

now, I feel utterly depressed.. tonight, I got the same treatment from you again...

just a little different attitude from me.. and you felt different.. then, think thru... how much your attitude make me feel.. worse...

I decide.. and I nv did want to change my decision unless something makes me do so..

I said I love you and I realli do coz I promise myself nv to say I love you so easily again...

but I just need some patience and your heart to clear my doubts.. why won't you help me...

I have been happy tis days.. we seldom quarrel.. only arguments.. which are clear very soon.. but what happen tonight again just make me so upset and tired..

I don't want to be coax like a little girl with the love u la muacks.. anymore.. I want to know what you think and feel.. to understand..

These days have been caught up with work.. so much that it stress me up.. I want high distinction for my grades..

Dad have not been working so long.. and I just feel stress about it.. didn't want to waste his money retaking any course.. that is why I study so hard.. but who understand.. not even you.. I didn't want to take money from him coz I know he is already carrying a big burden.. I didn't quit my job even if I am having a hard time over there.. everyone leaving that stupid place... yet I stay... I know Dad has no problems on it... but I just can't make myself believe like before... I don't believe in running away from problems... and I am sure I can do it.. nothing is easy... I just need you.. to understand and care... and clear my doubts...

i feel stress and tired out but I shan't fall... I WILL NOT.

i will go to the beach...

busie busie busie

I have been very busy and I don't even know for what... piling up on my desk are work work and work.. accts, stats, BC, OB.. and more and more assignment.. I am starting to feel the stress there..

My OB assignment will be due in 3 weeks but I haven even start a single thing on it. Not even research so god tell me what to do. I'm not going to sit here and grumble but get my ass up for work..

Now, over at Parkway, I have more time slots to work also.. = less time for myself.. = more$

went to the chalet with my buds.. though only a few short hours.. but it seemly cheer me up.. I just laugh my head off with Darren's Yoga act.. have u ever seen a tree falling.. haha.. can't describe.. jus too farnie.. then come dia's rolling.. but she failed.. lol.. and Marc's discovery that I have soft bones too.. Waikit, also nv change... still speak like a train and joke like no one business.. too bad when rac is here, I'm already going... but overall I did have some good laugh and felt myself relax a little..

anyway, was deadbeat when I got home last night.. and cause Dad to call me coz I didn't even tell him I was coming home late.. met a pervert on the way home..

I wish I could meet less this kinda pple pls.. it just scares me and now the majority pervert I met is in black outer from head to toe.. understand?

guys, quickly send me the pictures...

flu bug

I suddenly caught the flu bug after meeting up with my buds.. considering one of them got the flu bug also which is dia.. so u noe who is the culprit now.. haha.. anyway.. it was so bad tat I consuder not going out with my ling.. well, also due to so much happenings..

I ate two extra med just hoping to get well soon.. but when I woke up though feeling better.. I feel like a piece of jelly and cant even walk properly.. then, things happen and I walk to east coast beach alone at night.. well, u pple must be thinking how I get my ass there when I am sick.. I stroll and I stop myself from falling a few times.. then, I sat on the sandy beach.. listening to the waves and look at the stars.. I thought of my life.. what I am doing and what I want.. I look at the kids and I envy them for having so much fun just running on the beach without worries.. I felt myself aged so much.. amazingly, the beach makes me feel much better..

I walk back and this time, the place was like much more isolated.. Dad ask me where I go and I just say I went to Parkway.. I don't think he believe la but anyway its over..

In return, I got fever last night.. just a slight one.. and a bad headache.. now.. i am aching all over..

later, still need to get the book from Martin and attend stats.. hopefully stats is as easy as what he say.. to get a high distinction..

I will work hard towards my future..

one love

there was this saying that as long as one is with someone they love, they will be happy... but is it true...

I guess it just got to do with being the right person and what are the factors that contribute to the right person really depends on individual..

I often restrict what he is doing.. I find myself a nuisance sometimes and was so disgusted by my own actions.. I often look into his eyes to find some answers to what I am thinking but in those eyes, I could feel or see nothing..

I find myself so drain over someone I love.. well, that's not how it is suppose to be right... but in fact I am realli tired.. I guess he is quite the same to be taking all my nonsense vice versa.. I just need to let out some stuff..

guys, I know you all care but seriously, I have been alone more than enuff to be able to handle my emotions now.. I will be responsible for all my decisions and won't regret it. I'm thinking I seriously need a life..

I am stress out with my work, in terms of school and those work.. and also myself.. need to go and take a walk... seriously need to.

the feeling of hopeless~

the moment the words were brought to my ear...

my body paralysed not with fear but a sense of hopelessness...

a hope that for years I have clung to, to have a happy ending of its own.

my tears just well up in my eyes, I didn't allow any of it to drip... I didn't..

I have promise myself not to drip a single tear for him anymore... but I always did...

words hurt the most..

I ask myself then, is this the kind of life I want to lead..

den my tears drop..

I didn't want to speak anymore.

fascinating world... pros in RP..

well, I have been learnting more and more on the world that I am living in... thru the hrs of interesting lectures given by lecturers from RMIT. The wonderful stories all have different meanings to it.... things that got to do with Bill Gates and various famous leaders and books ard the world... I nv knew that lectures could be so interesting..

still thinking whether I should buy the books from Martin.. kinda save money.. but its gd... isn't it..

heard from bro there is a kind of praying mantis under the sea too... haha and dad show me a live example today... and he said that he is going to cook and eat it.. haha.. I'm abit (-_-")

After today class, I have actually realise that studying in RP wasn't a bad thing afterall. Looking at the presentation given by other students, I am actually quite sure that students from RP could deliver a better presentation infront of 200+ students in the lecture hall. I felt that that is also quite impt.. well, of coz we have other merits too but I'm tired of typing now..

shall update again..

fortune in disguise...

after this two days, i seem to have know you better and better and I seems to have fallen in love with you over again..

my heart cringe with pain when i understand what you are going thru..

all i wanted to do is hug you and let you know I am here..

today went for movie with ling's mum and sis... watch recycle.. nt a very nice show and scare the hell out of me.. lots of farnie stuff happen including when ling's granny is there... make me so pai seh..

loving you more & more my darling...

the road ahead~

I finally throw out what I felt last night..
woke up in the morning, my eyes so painful and tired..

went for my driving lesson and my instructor said that I didn't drive that well and ask me why..

REASON: COZ I DIDNT SLP WELL

after that went to meet aunt and we spend the whole day shopping.. quite a good day..

dinner at east coast... and Zhi gang called me during dinner.. spoke to me abt work den ask me abt Maple stuff.. i nearly laugh till my teeth drop.. cant imagine he play that too... then we end the conversation very soon.. didn't expect him to call me anyway..

when I was talking to the sales girl today... aunt keep emphasizing we just live beside only.. dunno why.. jus can't stand it..

there are so many things which i don't understand.. I just hope someone guide me..

God bless u..

much better...

my life have been much better with minor complications.. Kinda regretted that I didn't go for the orientation... coz I think I miss out the making frens part.. but Anastasia is making it easier for me.. ahah.. kinda nice.. was actually quite surprise by the way she ans Sombo today.. haha.. their conversation was actually quite funny for me.. anyway all of us exchange numbers.. I get to know a girl by the name of peishan today.. Jefferry and also Desmond.. but nt those damn well one la..

didn't really understand what is the lecturer talking about today.. aha but anyway its his last day in school.. so I shall read up my own now.. took a nap when i got home.. and now typing away infront of my computer with a cup of coffee.. life's so good now.. =)

busy days...

my mouth is fill with ulcers again...

painful =(

today had my first lesson in school in the lab and guess what.. saw Zhigang when I was going to class. so qiao.. he still look the same.. lol.. quite handsome la.. exchange a few words and I run quickly to class as I am late again..

class was fun and interesting.. enjoy it tremendously.. didn't know that i can be good with Access too.. always can't fingure when I do it in RP.. but now I seems to be able to do it just myself.. feel with pride.. and happiness when I complete my assignment w/o any help from my neighbours..

afternoon went to LEC coz its Christine last day and saw the other part-time CS cum trainer.. kinda Obasan type no wonder the parents would want to cancel the class after hearing tat she maybe wan to take over the class. Got a present from Christine whcih i dunnow at t do with it.. kinda jia lat and had our lunch at Crystal Jade.. the four of use.. BS, Yvon, Christine & me.. quite a lunch coz BS jokes got me choke on veges.. stupid right.. i nearly strangle him and let him die there.

spend a lot of money this few days.. must save le..

1st day in SIM

today is the first day of school.. everything was alright except for being late in class.. got to walk right to the front of the lecture hall to get a paper.. so damn paiseh..

lesson was quite fun.. met Anastasia who also stay at Marine Parade Rd here. hah.. so qiao.. tml having lessons..

looking forward to rest. tata.. love ah boy..