full of thoughts while i was studying my law.. something i shouldnt have done..

wanted to delete this blog of mine for good.. delete the unhappy past but come to think of it..

whats the use?

the only thing i could do is to accept it. accept everything...

standing at the balcony, my mind at peace..

looking at the vast sea... i told myself to look forward into everything that is out there and drop this relationship.

im thinking of studying law after my degree but wondering how long would i take..

its been a dream to me.. maybe going to take my powered pleasure craft driving license with my brother too.. hihi.. so happy..

hopefully i wont flunk my exams after drinking all those chicken essence.. it don't taste real good.. but for the sake of my HD.. no choice.. haha.. just drink...

going back to my studies soon..

plenty of thoughts running thru my mind...

marriage.................... love........................ deception..........................

some couples just get married after being together for some time.. but the question is whether there are still sparks in it... if not.. marriage is out of habit or a sense of responsibility..

part of my thoughts: i know the sparks between us had long died off.. so is your wanting to be with me a kind of habit or a sense of responsibility.. i ponder on this question for a very long time.. and realise that i would nv know the answer.

love has been part of my life.. so much that i thought i would have die without it.. i always felt that a world so cold and unfeeling is so scary.. love had hurt me so much that i fear

fear of loving and trusting.. everyone is trying to protect themself.. i want to do that too but it seems so hard for me.. i feel irritated.. so irritated.. and scared..

i just lost a friend.. someone who say he love me very much... so much that he care more abt me than himself.. and he cant take a friend relationship with me.. i dunno what to say but feel so upset..

i feel like building a wall and hide behind it.. to rest or recuperate.. a wounded and tired me...

waiting for rain in a drought


i sounded determined.. but after all this.. i feel the sadness and the hopelessness in me...

waiting for something to happen... but didn't know
how long am i going to wait.. i guess jus leave it to fate...

your actions of not replying me or answering my call makes me feel that maybe you need to do this to forget about everything...

i had know this would happen before i make my decision

i wil still get on with my life.. hopefully i be able to turn my grief into strenght and do well for my exams...

bro is going to get married soon still thinking wat to wear for his wedding..

wish me luck for my exams...

memories...


in my mind everything has been running over and over again.. the happy and bad times...

remember the first time when i see u.. with that sleepy look on your face...

it stay so clear in my mind...

my heart ache.... thinking of u.

why would you say you regret knowing me and being with me after so long??

i have so many questions in my mind.

during this time, u have never look me up at all. you said that you love me very much and u need me very much but looking back.. you don't seems to care what i'm doing for the period and how am i?

to you... what is love? i don't understand..

you have been part of my life for so long..

in the end, all i felt is i never meant anything to u.

maybe i do but not that much.

i'm leaving.. i will step out of this shadow..

explore the world and lead a happy life..

thank you for letting me know what is love.

i will always remember u.

take care..